Life For Rent
by TrinineWriter
Summary: Can love be so instant it changes everything? When Erudite Leader Jeanine Matthews goes on holiday to Amity, she meets a young, witty, charismatic girl named Tris Prior. Despite all of Tris' advances, Jeanine is reluctant to let herself fall in love... Again. Will Tris' stubborn and compassionate nature win Jeanine over? Or will Jeanine stop things before they begin? Trinine
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter One**

I tap the send button repeatedly and watch as a little blue circle appears on my phone's screen. I look at the signal icon – only one bar left. My lips purse in impatience and I glance out the window. The last of the Erudite city lights have long disappeared into the night.

"Would you like something to drink Ms. Matthews?"

"No, thank you Rodney." I stare down at the still spinning blue circle on my phone screen and hit the send button again - no response. I sigh and drop the electronic device into the handbag at my side. My eyes fall closed and I lean back, relaxing against the headrest. My mind considers all of the things I could be accomplishing during the two weeks I will be spending on the outskirts of civilization.

"You haven't taken a single day off since the end of the war." Johanna had argued. "As your friend, I highly recommend you take some time to relax and unwind… Besides, it's been far too long since you've been out to see me."

I had only chuckled at first. But soon, my inbox was filled with images of a small cottage on the edge of Amity. Each image was accompanied by some reason for me to visit; quiet, secluded, away from the city, no traffic, etc., etc. I hated the idea of leaving Erudite, but I also knew Johanna was right – I needed a break. The war, the breakdown of the faction system, it had all weighed heavily on me. Dark circles now seemed to take a permanent residence beneath my eyes, and small wrinkles had formed at the corners. Eventually, I agreed to Johanna's offer and decided to visit.

When the car finally pulls into the driveway it's past midnight and the exhaustion of a full day is weighing down on me. Rodney unloads my suitcase from the trunk. I give him some extra cash for picking up a late shift and send him on his way promising I'll make it into the cottage okay.

When I turn to face the cottage; it's smaller than I had expected. But, I don't really mind since it will just be me for a couple of weeks. I follow the stone walkway up to the front porch and stare at the door for a moment. There's no keypad to input a combination or scanner to read my thumbprint. I reach out and turn the knob, the door is unlocked. I shake my head, there's no way I would ever leave my door unlocked at home. I pull my suitcase behind me and step into the cottage.

For appearing so small, it proves to be quite spacious on the inside. The wood floor is a light shade of pine and a stone fireplace stretches from the living room up through the roof. I pull my suitcase through the living room, past the kitchen and to the bedroom on the far side of the cottage. When my eyes land on the bed tension releases from my shoulders and I feel myself start to relax.

I step out of my heels, heft my suitcase up on the foot of the bed and begin to organize everything into the closet. When everything is in it's place, I change from my business suit into my favorite pair of silk pajamas. I make my way out of the bedroom and back the kitchen. When I turn on the lights I notice a note on the counter with familiar cursive handwriting.

 _Jeanine-_

 _I'm so happy you are here. I hope you enjoy the cottage and find everything to your liking._

 _I wanted to let you know - It takes a minute to get hot water so if you're going to take a shower make sure to start the water early. Also, there's a bicycle on the back patio if you want to go for a ride. Of course, you are welcome to anything you'd like._

 _Make sure to come up and visit me while you're here!_

 _Enjoy,_

 _Johanna_

A grin tugs at the corner my lips. Johanna was always looking out for me, even when I didn't deserve it. I leave the note on the counter and open the fridge only to smile again. Johanna had held out no stops. The fridge is stocked full enough to feed an army. My fingers wrap around a bottle of merlot and I pour myself a generous glass. I sip it slowly, appreciating its smoky flavor as it warms my throat. Placing the bottle back in the fridge, I decide to further inspect the cottage.

The living room is furnished with brown leather furniture and a large cream colored shag carpet. It's a far cry from the glass, stainless steel and solid black granite of my house in Erudite. But, I had come here for a change of view, and I had certainly achieved my goal.

I wander through the dining room and open a sliding glass door leading to the back porch. I flip the light switch and a solitary light bulb buzzes to life. The sound of chirping cicadas and tree frogs fills the air. I step out to the edge of the porch and lean against a post. My eyes scan over the moon lit field behind the cottage. It seemed to stretch out forever, like an ocean of dark waves. I take another sip of my wine and my eyes wander up to the sky.

I take a deep breath as the infinite amount of stars overhead fascinate my eyes. The city lights usually keep most of them out of sight. But here, here you can see every single star in the sky. It's a beautiful array of twinkling lights. My mind easily draws up the definition, _Star: a fixed luminous point in the night sky that is a large remote incandescent body._ I breathe in the stillness and take another sip of wine as my mind drifts away into memories.

 _What's that one called daddy?_

 _That one? That's Ursa Major._

 _And that one?_

 _That's Leo,_

 _And that one's Orion's belt!_

 _That's right Jeanine, very good._

 _It's my favorite._

 _Oh yeah? Why's that?_

 _Because there are three of them. Just like you, me, and mommy._

 _That's right honey… You know, anytime you see Orion's belt, you'll know that mommy and I are with you._

 _I don't want you to leave daddy._

 _I know honey, I know._

I swallow hard as tears threaten to well up in my eyes. I push the memory to the back of my mind, down the rest of my wine, and return inside. Leaving my empty glass on the kitchen counter, I make my way back to the bedroom. I slide in under the hand-sewn quilt and cotton sheets. Before long my mind is overtaken with memories and dreams.

When I wake the next morning I'm surprised to find its past 7AM. I stare at the ceiling basking in the extended silence which is suspended in midair. No cars, no horns honking or sirens blaring – nothing. I lay in bed for a few minutes realizing that I don't actually have to do anything today. I have no agenda, no meetings, no phone calls or emails - nothing. I furrow my eyebrows at the thought. I can't remember the last time I actually had 'nothing' on my list of things to do.

I stare at the ceiling and an emptiness starts to creep in around me. Work, I don't have anything but work, and right now I don't have any work to do. Perturbed by the thought, I throw the blankets back and propel myself out of bed. I clean myself up, make the bed and change into a blouse and khakis. I return to the kitchen and stare at the eggs in the fridge door before forgoing them and starting the coffee maker.

The old machine slowly whirs and hums to life. I'm both grateful and instantly relieved when steaming black liquid pours into the old glass pot. I wander around the cottage as the scent of fresh coffee permeates the air. There are book shelves on top of bookshelves lining the cabin's walls. I trace my finger over the spines wondering what stories they hold. I wish I had more time to read, but running an entire faction doesn't leave much time for personal things.

I pull a familiar title off the shelf. "Hello Jane." I flip through the familiar pages of Charlotte Bronte's novel _Jane Eyre_. The coffee machine starts to gurgle and I return to the kitchen, book in hand. I pour myself a mug of the dark steaming liquid and take a sip savoring it's bitter sweet taste. The warm summer air meets me at the door as I step out onto the back porch again.

I take a seat in a wooden rocking chair and look out to see the field behind the cottage filled with tall stocks of hay. A breeze comes and the golden hills roll and again they remind me of the waves of the sea. I take another sip of coffee and set my mug to the side, picking up the book and opening it to the first page.

A few hours go by before I look up from the book again. I stretch my arms over my head and my toes start to tingle as they wake up. I dog-ear my place in the book and stand from the chair deciding to go for a walk. The air is already getting sticky and I want to explore a little before it gets too hot.

I step out the front door of the cottage and look to my left and right. To my right – a steep incline. To my left – a steep decline which I would only have to climb back up after I was tired. I give my shoulders a good stretch and start up the dirt road.

Admittedly, the hill was steeper than I thought. By the time I reach the top I am panting like I've never walked a day in my life. I close my eyes, clasp my hands together on top of my head, and silently wonder what my heart rate is. Once I have started to catch my breath I take a moment to look around and spot an old blue truck pulled over on the side of the road. I stare at it for a moment before my curiosity gets the best of me and I decide to go investigate.

As I walk closer to the truck I spot a young woman crouched beside the driver's side back wheel. My eyes quickly scan up and down her body. She's thin, with tanned skin and dark brown hair piled up in a messy bun. Her denim shorts are frayed at the ends, and I can see the outline of a black sports bra under her sleeveless white- t. I squint in the sun as my eyes travel further down to the flat tire she is struggling to remove.

"Would you like some assistance?"

Surprised, she spins on her heels falling back onto the gravel road. Brown eyes flash up at me wide with surprise. "Where the heck did you come from?" She spits out staring at me before bringing her hands around revealing bloody gashes from where she caught herself.

"I'm sorry. I-I didn't mean to startle you. I'm staying at the cottage just down the hill." I gesture over my shoulder needlessly. "I was just out for a jog and I saw you. I thought, well I thought you might be in need of assistance." The words fall unfiltered from my mouth and I wonder if I am even forming a coherent sentence.

"In need of assistance huh?" Her brown eyes rake up and down my frame unabashedly. I swallow hard and stand tall, refusing to let it phase me."You must be Jeanine," she says conclusively, looking back down at the ground.

I nod my head in confirmation. "Yes, that is correct. Now, may I help you or should I be on my way?" She looks back up at me with defiance in her eyes. "Well, seeing as you just caused me to fall on my ass, I would think you'd like to help me up."

I stare at her blankly, unwilling to let my professional facade break.

"Unless you're as mean as everyone says," she challenges.

I bit down on the side of my cheek. I know she's baiting me. Trying to get a rise out of me, but I swallow hard and refuse to give her the satisfaction she desires.

"So be it." I take another step toward her and offer both my hands to help her off the ground. She stares up at me for a moment, like she's debating whether or not I am going to knock her down once she gets up. My heart sinks slightly, but I continue to look at her expectantly. Her eyes lock onto mine as though she is trying to find my soul. She must have given up, or thought she found something, because next thing I know, her hands are in mine and I am helping to pull her up off the ground.

Once she is up, I turn her hands over to reveal bloody scrapes on her palms. "These will need to be cleaned and bandaged."

"S'nothing." She pulls away and bends down picking up a wrench. Internally, I debate whether or not to argue the probability of infection if her hands are left untreated. But the determined look on her face makes me drop it for the moment. "So what seems to be the problem?"

She hits the flat tire with the wrench, "Can't get the tire off. Damn bolts have rusted." My eyes go wide at her crude language. But I quickly focus my attention on the problem and crouch down to get a better view of the problem. Just as she said, each bolt, or lug nut, has rusted together. So far she has managed to get all but two off. I glance at the wrench in her hand and back at the offending rust.

"Can you bring me the dipstick from the oil?" When she doesn't respond I look up to see her staring down at me with a questioning gaze and an arched eyebrow. A small moment of silence passes before I ask, "Do I need to get it?"

She seems to snap out of her trance, hands me the wrench, and turns on her heels to retrieve the dipstick. When she returns I wipe the oil residue onto the bolt. "We're going to need to do this a few times." She nods in understanding and we repeat the process. Finally, when I think there is enough oil, I ask her to help me use the wrench. Ever so slowly the rust gives way and we turn the wrench until the bolts come completely off.

"Oh thank God." She says with a relieved sigh. "I never thought that thing was coming off," she smiles at me.

I pick the bolts up off the ground and hand them to her with a triumphant smile of my own, "Well it is now."

She nods her head and inspects the rusty bolts, "Thank you."

My heart swells a little in my chest, "You're welcome."

"I'm Tris by the way," she adds standing and offering me her hand to help her up. I stare at it's bloody appearance and give her a questioning glance. "Right, sorry," her hand falls back to her side.

"It's okay." I push myself up off the ground. "It's a pleasure to meet you Tris." I give her a warm smile and she returns it. A moment passes before I break the silence. "So, where's the spare?"

"Oh!" She quickly steps around to the back of the truck and returns with the tire. The rest of the tire change goes smoothly and I am surprised at how quickly she is able to get the new tire on. "So what can I do to repay you?" She asks dropping the wrench into the truck bed.

I start to say 'nothing' but then I get another idea, "You can let me bandage your hands."

She looks down at her palms apologetically. "I don't have a first aid kit with me."

I purse my lips into a tight line. I'm sure I must be scowling because Tris' cheeks instantly go pink when she looks back up at me. I bite my tongue and swallow my lecture on why everyone should have a first aid kit in their vehicle at all times. "Fine, then you'll just have to come back to the cottage with me. I'm sure there's one there."

She nods in acquiescence and opens the truck door. "Want to ride?" I stare at her for a moment. "Come on, it's just down to the cottage. You don't trust our handiwork?"

I look down at the tire and back to see a smirk on her face. I struggle to suppress my smile. "Fine. But wipe that smug look off your face." I grin and climb into the truck sliding over to the passenger's side.

"Yes ma'am," she teases and climbs in the truck beside me.

"So where did you learn to do that?" She asks when we're on the road.

"Um," I stumble for an accurate answer. "Erudite University." She looks over at me incredulously, "You learned how to fix rusted bolts in college?" I shrug my shoulders, "Kinda. I studied quantum mechanics for a couple years."

"Oh well now it makes sense," she teases. We both laugh and I roll my eyes at her antics. She parks the truck in front of the cottage and we go inside.

"So how long have you known Johanna," she asks walking toward the kitchen.

"A long time," I slip into the bathroom to retrieve the first aid kit. When I return she already has her hands in the sink running them under cool water.

"Done this before," I tease.

"Mmm," I set the first aid kit on the counter and watch her eyes go distant as she methodically cleans out the cuts. "Spent a couple years in the Dauntless miliary. I have my fair share of scars." My eyebrows raise in surprise, "I see."

"So you've known Johanna since you were kids?" she asks patting her hands dry and offering them to me to be bandaged.

"Yes." I begin to inspect the cuts, thankful none of them are deep enough to require stitches. "We met in middle school when she was still part of Candor." I apply disinfectant and Tris hisses at the sting. "We weren't instant friends, but we learned to like each other with time." I cover each cut with antibiotic ointment. "People weren't so kind to her after…" My mind trailed off into memory.

I remember when Johanna came back to school. Stitches, from the gash a factionless man had left, stretching nearly the entire length of her face. She had been questioned, even bullied, and as we got older. They couldn't see she was the same girl. They couldn't see past her scar. And, Johanna, she never let it show, how much their teasing hurt. But I knew it did, I knew it was hard not to fit in. So, we befriended each other.

"After what?" Tris' voice brings my attention back to the present and I open new bandages.

"After she was attacked by a factionless man and left with her scar," I said, my voice filled with emotion. Tris remained silent as I applied the bandages and started to wrap them. "I guess we developed a kind of mutual respect for each other because I didn't treat her any differently than I had before."

"Sounds like you were good for each other," she smiles at me.

I focus on securing her bandages. "I'm not sure how good I was for her. But, she always helped me keep my humanity in tact, reminded me that it's okay to have fun sometimes." I finish sealing the bandages and start to put things away.

"So who does that for you now?" Tris asks from beside me. I let out a breathy laugh, "Still just Johanna I suppose, though I don't see her nearly as often anymore... She's the reason I'm here today. She was convinced that I needed some time away from the office." I pack the first aid kit up and return it to the bathroom.

When I return to the kitchen Tris has her hip propped against the counter with a smug grin on her face. "Well, Jeanine, I'm glad you're here," she lifts her hands above her head. "Couldn't've done this all by myself." She laughs and I just shake my head and grin.

"Would you like something to drink," I offer pulling a glass down from the cupboard. "Nah, I really need to get back to work."

"Oh."

"Yeah, gotta start getting that," she gestures out the sliding glass door to the hay field behind the cottage, "Into bales while the seed is still on."

"So you work for Johanna then?"

"Yeah. It's hard work, but it's good for the soul," Tris smiles.

I pick up on a reverent tone in her voice and a smile tugs at the corner of my mouth. I know what it's like to do fulfilling work. "Well, I won't keep you from your work. We wouldn't want Johanna upset with us." Tris turns to me with a flash of mirth in her eye and I wish she could stay longer. I get the feeling there is much more to her than a retired soldier working on an Amity farm.

"That's true. Well, thanks again for your help," Tris says turning and walking toward the front door.

"Anytime," I hold the door open as she stops on the front steps turning to face me. "Hey Jeanine?"

"Yes?" I watch her shift nervously and she kicks at the boards beneath her feet. "There's a bonfire tonight..." She trails off and scratches at her cheek before glancing over her shoulder then back at me. "Maybe you'd like to join me? I mean, you don't have to. But, seeing as you just got here… It might be fun to get out and do something, rather than just hangin' round this cabin."

"Ahh," I consider the invitation for a moment. "Will Johanna be there?"

Tris' eyes tighten together and her lips curl into a contemplative expression. "I doubt it. Haven't seen her at one for a while."

I consider my dog-eared place in Jane Eyre and look back at Tris who is nervously waiting for a reply. I wish Johanna would be there. I really don't like showing up to places unprepared, not knowing anyone. My eyes wander over Tris' figure and my eyes zero in on her bandaged hands. A grin pulls at the corner of my lips, "Yes."

She looks up at me with bright eyes. "Yes?"

"Yes." I smile at her obvious excitement.

"Okay great!" She bounces on the balls of her feet happily. "So I'll see you around seven thirty?"

I nod my head in confirmation. "See you then."

I lean against the door frame and watch as she walks down the stone pathway. She climbs into the old truck and I wave her goodbye, closing the door behind me.

* * *

I want to know where you'd like for this story to go. Reviews are always appreciated :)


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

My brain goes into overdrive as I stare at myself in the mirror and examine my ensemble. Dark wash denim jeans hug the curves of my hips and a black scoop neck shirt hangs loosely from my shoulders. I fluff my blonde hair in the mirror and touch up my makeup. When I'm finally satisfied with my appearance, I glance down at my watch: ten minutes past seven - twenty minutes to go.

My stomach twists into a knot and I get a nervous feeling similar to the one before delivering a speech. My shoulders tighten and I swallow the lump in my throat. I return to the kitchen and pour a glass of wine. I can't remember the last time I went out just to do something fun. Every social event on my calendar includes: meeting people, smiling, shaking hands, exchanging greetings, trying to remember everyone's names, their children's names and what their social interests are. It's all very routine, the same practice again and again.

A knock at the door pulls me from my musings. I quickly drain the rest of the wine from my glass and leave it in the sink. Pausing in the entryway, I quickly check my appearance and grin at the flush in my cheeks. I tug at the hem of my shirt, brushing out invisible wrinkles, and turn to the front door. My heart pounds in my chest. I take a deep breath and reach forward, turning the knob and opening the door.

"Hi," Tris greets me with a bright smile and warm eyes. My gaze wanders over her appearance. She's wearing a forest green pocketed T-shirt with faded denim jeans and black ankle boots. Her dark hair is half up, half down and she's applied a light layer of makeup. She looks much older than the girl I met earlier today.

"Hello," I say, meeting her smile.

"Ready to go," she asks, shifting back and forth on her feet. I grin, happy to know I'm not the only one who is nervous.

"Should I bring anything," I ask, wondering if I should bring a folding chair or something to drink.

"Nah, I've got it covered," she says confidently and her smile only grows.

"Alright." I take a deep breath, turn out the cottage lights and pull the door closed behind me. I turn and reach for the keypad to lock the door and see only the dark oak wood of the door. I shake my head and turn back around.

Tris shrugs her shoulders, "They don't believe they need locks out here."

"Well, I don't think it's something I could get used to." I consider the elaborate security system in my home.

"It took me a while to get used to too." Tris says and gestures for me to follow her, "Come on, I want to get there before they run out of food."

My eyebrows raise in surprise. I follow her down the stone path to the old blue truck. "Do they run out of food often?"

"They do when I'm there" Tris says, patting her flat stomach with a grin.

I laugh and thank her when she opens the door for me, ushering me inside. As I climb in, I can almost feel her eyes on my backside. I grin to myself, thankful I had thrown in a pair of jeans instead of another pair of trousers. Tris climbs in the other side and I look over to see fresh bandages on her hands. "How are you hands today?"

She strums her fingers against the steering wheel. "Almost good as new. Took a while to figure out how to hold the steering wheel on the tractor but I got it."

"Good. I'm glad they're healing quickly."

"Yeah," Tris grins. "My body's pretty used to getting a beating. I'm a bit of a klutz."

"Really," I tease, "I never would have guessed."

Tris giggles and a slight blush appears on her cheeks. "So when was the last time you visited Amity?"

"A few years ago." I turn to stare out the side window. "How long have you lived here?"

"A little over a year." She goes silent for a moment and I look over to see her focus has drifted to an unseeable place. "I um," she clears her throat. I notice her knuckles turn white when her fingers curl tightly around the steering wheel. "After the war I couldn't find a reason to stay with my faction. So, I took off. I explored all the factions, traveled beyond the wall and came back again. I couldn't sit still for a long time…"

I wonder where her mind had gone, and what she experienced during her travels.

"So," she continues, "I traveled between the factions helping people put their homes and their lives back together."

My eyes lock onto a familiar pain in her eyes and my heart aches for her. I turn to look back out the window and take a deep breath. "I'm sure everyone was very grateful for your help Tris." From the corner of my eyes I can see her relax back into her seat.

"I think it helped me more than them," she admits quietly.

I hum in acknowledgement and continue to stare out the window. I consider how I find refuge in my own work, in helping people, and how I haven't stopped since the day the war began.

"I'm not exactly sure how I ended up in Amity."

I look back over to see dark eyebrows furrowed together in concentration.

"I stumbled around for a while, trying to find someplace I could call home."

"Is that what Amity is to you - home?"

Tris shrugs her shoulders, "For now. I don't see myself here forever. But it's been really good to me." A smile slides over her lips and she shakes her head.

"What?"

"I still remember the first time I met Johanna. She didn't really care about where I'd been or what I'd done. She took me in with open arms, fed me, gave me a place to stay, no questions asked."

I chuckle at the mention of my friend. "Mmm, yeah, she's the most generous person I know. And she has a penchant for taking care of people... Even if they don't realize they need it."

Tris nods her head and shoots me a smile. "She certainly does."

When we reach the bottom of the hill Tris parks the truck and we climb out of the truck. I lose my breath at the view. The last of the sunlight pours over the hills casting a fiery glow across the valley. I take a deep breath of fresh air and feel my shoulders relax.

"Sounds like the party's just getting started," Tris says, listening to the music and voices echo through the valley. She flashes me a bright smile and pulls a thick blanket and flashlight out of the truck bed. Caramel eyes lighten with excitement as she looks the noise of the crowd then back at me.

I round the truck to stand next to her and she extends her bent elbow out to escort me. I stare at her for a moment - baffled by the gesture. Her skin appears even darker in the glow of the sunset, and chapstick lips are parted by a bright white smile. She stands there expectantly, extending herself out to me - fearlessly.

"Come on, I won't bite," she teases. My eyes draw into tight lines, feigning suspicion. This behavior would be highly inappropriate, I remind myself. I start to shake my head no, but Tris beats me to it.

"Please," she asks, her bottom lip sticking out in a pitiful pout. I scoff at her childish behavior, but it's actually quite endearing on Tris. I consider it for a moment more, internally debating with myself.

"Fine." I slide my arm under Tris' and let my hand rest on her forearm. I do my best to hide my smirk when Tris' smile doubles in size. I try not to think about the way her skin feels against mine, or the way our feet easily find a perfect pace. Instead, I focus my attention on the valley and the growing noise of the party as we walk toward the bonfire.

"Pretty huh," Tris says pulling me a little closer to her side.

I take a deep breath and let myself relax a little more. "Yes, very different from the skyscrapers I have grown accustom to."

Tris chuckles beside me and the crowd roars with excitement when a new song starts to play. There are at least five bonfires going, and I estimate there are easily over two hundred people in attendance. When we approach the edge of the crowd, my professional persona kicks in. My back straightens and I put a little more distance between Tris' side and mine.

"Hey, don't go too far way," she warns, dark eyes full of mirth. I arch my eyebrow in question.

"I'm not about to lose you in this crowd." She pulls me close to her again and I wonder how much she's teasing.

Everything professional in me screams no, that this whole evening is a huge lapse in judgement. I chew on my lower lip and stare down at the ground beneath my feet.

Tris squeezes my arm,"You okay?"

I look up to see genuine concern in her eyes. I inhale shakily and nod my head. "I just haven't done anything like this for a long time."

Tris smiles and leans over to whisper in my ear, "I'm really glad you agreed to come with me." Her breath is hot against my ear and goosebumps rise on my skin nearly causing me to shiver. She pulls back and I notice her eyes have darkened, her pupils enlarged. I know what those symptoms are signs of, I'm just too surprised believe it.

She tilts her head toward the crowd. "Ready to take the plunge?"

My cheeks flush and I nod my head, rallying against the alarms going off inside my mind. Tris pulls me close and I follow her into the sea of people. We weave our way through dance lines, sweaty bodies, and beer cans. I look around and smile. There are people from all of the factions, dancing, drinking, singing, and acting as though they don't have a care in the world.

When we finally reach a break in the crowd a high pitched voice squeals, "Tris!" A little boy, maybe five or six, crashes full speed into Tris' waist knocking her backward into me. My hands grip her waist instinctively and I hold her upright as the boy wraps her in an embrace. Tris relaxes back into me, and for a moment I can't breathe. Her arms wrap around the little boy and she shoots me an apologetic smile over her shoulder. Quickly shuffling her feet, she adjusts her stance. I let go taking a step back and catching my breath.

"Hey buddy, how are you," Tris asks the boy, crouching to the ground so they are almost the same height. "I think you've grown a foot since the last time I saw you," she teases and tickles his sides. The little boy bursts into a fit of giggles making me smile.

"Stop it auntie Tris," the little boy squeals as she continues to tickle him relentlessly. His laughter continues and Tris smiles brightly. I chuckle at their childish antics and shake my head. When his cheeks turn bright pink Tris growls and wraps her arms around his small frame. She hoists him up from the ground to her hip and places kisses all over his face. He protests some more through his laughter causing Tris to smile even brighter.

"Hey there's someone I want you to meet." Small dimples appear in the boy's cheeks and his blue eyes shine in the last of the Sun's light.

I swallow hard and shift unsteadily on my feet. I've never been particularly good with children. I find it difficult to communicate with them, and often have no clue what they are saying when everyone else appears to understand.

"This is my friend Jeanine," Tris says, stepping toward me. Green eyes look up at me with curiosity. "Jeanine," Tris looks up at me, "I want you to meet my little buddy Will."

"It's nice to meet you Will." I give him the best smile I can muster and extend my hand for him to shake. The little boy stares at my hand, clearly unsure of how to respond, and my cheeks flush.

"Can you shake her hand," Tris asks, not missing a beat. Will continues staring at my outstretched hand and shakes his head, curling further into Tris. "How about a high five," she encourages. I follow her lead and turn my hand over for him. Green eyes brighten and Will excitedly slaps his small palm against mine. I smile, grateful for Tris' quick thinking.

"Good job buddy!" Tris praises him and places a kiss to the side of his head. He wraps his short arms around her neck giving her a hug.

"Where's your momma," Tris asks, turning around and looking through the crowd.

"Will?" A slightly panicked voice calls out above the noise of the crowd.

"Over here!" Tris shouts in reply. A woman appears through the crowd rushing to Tris' side. Her frame is slim with an athletic build, and her short dark hair resembles Will's. "Hi," Tris greets the frantic woman with a warm smile and a kiss to her cheek.

"You can't run off like that little man," she scolds, taking Will in her arms.

"But I saw auntie Tris," he argues, his eyes glued to Tris.

"I know, but you can't just take off like that." Christina scolds. again Will nods his head in a silent response.

"How ya doin' Christina?" Tris asks, picking up the blanket and flashlight from where they had landed on the ground.

"Oh you know, just trying to keep up with everything and this little guy."

Tris smiles at them, "You've always had your hands full." Tris' gaze travels over to me and her eyes go wide.

"Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry! Jeanine, this is my friend Christina. Christina, this is Jeanine." She introduces us and we shake hands politely.

"It's nice to meet you Ms. Matthews," Christine says with a nod of her head. My back stiffens at the sound of a more professional title, and I quickly slip into my faction-leader role.

"The pleasure is mine," I give her a rehearsed smile and return her nod. "You've got a cutie here," I say, smiling at the little boy in her arms.

Christina smiles, "Yeah, I'm nowhere near ready for the teenage years." We all share a laugh.

"You ladies hungry," Christina asks.

"Of course," Tris announces.

"Don't even know why I ask." Christina shakes her head and helps Will back to the ground. He instantly runs to Tris' side and holds her hand. Then, to my surprise, he turns his attention to me. Big green eyes look up at me then look back down and small fingers wrap around mine. My heart lurches in my chest and I curl my fingers around his small hand. A lump forms in my throat and I look up to see Tris smiling at me brightly.

"Follow me!" Christina turns on her heels and leads us toward a large white tent. When we step inside I'm overwhelmed by the amount of food and tables set up to feed the hungry crowd. Reluctantly, Will returns to his mother and we bid them farewell. Tris and I start to fill our plates with the delicious smelling food. I shake my head and grin when Tris turns her nose up at the vegetables and grilled chicken, opting for potato salad and a greasy cheeseburger instead. When our plates are full we grab a couple beers and Tris leads me to a spot next to the bonfire. I sit down gingerly next to her on a log and open both bottles, handing one to Tris.

"Thank you," she mumbles around a mouthful of burger. I stare at her for a moment and can't stop the smile that overtakes my lips. I've decided some things, like this, are just decidedly, 'Tris'.

"So how long have you known Christina," I ask, curious to know their backstory.

Tris takes a moment to wipe her lips before she begins. "We met in boot camp when we were sixteen."

"Christina was in the Dauntless military," I ask, surprised when I consider her small stature.

"Mmhmm," Tris takes a drink of the cold beer and places the bottle at her feet. "She may be small, but let me tell you - she packs a punch." Tris turns to her head to the side and rubs her jawline with a wince.

"Speaking from experience?"

She nods, "Yeah, we had to spar a few times. Let's just say, we're a pretty even match." I grin to myself and continue eating my salad.

"Will likes you," Tris says before taking another bite out of her burger.

The mention of the little boy brings a smile to my face. "So it seems. I am quite fond of him as well."

Tris smiles at me and we fall into a comfortable silence as more people join us around the fire and we finish our dinner.

"So tell me something about yourself," Tris says, setting her empty plate on the ground and spreading her feet apart so our thighs are pushed together. "And not something that everyone knows," she amends, "I want to know something that is just 'you'."

I think about it for a moment, leaving my plate on the ground next to Tris'. I take a deep breath and look at the fire. "I have a slight shoe fetish," I admit sheepishly.

"How sight," Tris questions over my shoulder.

I purse my lips together. Shoes are my vice, and honestly, I have more pairs than any one person would ever need. "Well have several pairs of heels, in multiple colors of course. And sometimes if I find a pair I really like, I'll buy two pairs." Tris shakes her head and smiles at me. "What?"

"If you have that many pairs of heels I can't imagine how many sets of tennis shoes or boots you have," she says with wide eyes.

"Ah, yes well I don't have nearly as many. My job doesn't require much in the way of leisure attire so heels are always essential. Although sometimes I do manage to sneak by with boots during the winter."

"How dauntless of you," Tris teases, knocking her shoulder into mine. I laugh and turn to face her again.

"I bet I can count on one hand the shoes I own," she says with a smirk on her face.

I shrug my shoulders. "Well, we can't all be shoe connoisseurs." Tris laughs again and I smile - happy to be the cause. "Alright, your turn. Tell me something about you."

She goes quiet for a minute, staring at the fire. "Well, I'm not sure if this really counts, but it's something kind of about me… Or at least about the way I think."

My eyes open wide in interest, "Let's hear it."

She turns to me, "You know that saying, 'don't judge a book by it's cover'?" I nod my head in recognition.

"Well, I think of life in a similar way," she says. I furrow my eyebrows, trying to understand the correlation.

Her eyes wander back to the fire and she begins to speak animately. "I think we're a combination of lots of things... I don't think people can ever truly be defined because we are constantly changing and evolving. We try to simplify life, to explain things away. But the truth is, that life and people are extremely complex. We're not just one thing, we're messy with all sorts of intentions and influences. We're a culmination of…" She trails off unable to find the right word.

"Experiences," I offer.

"Yes! Exactly - experiences." She looks up at me with a smile and a spark in her eyes. "We're a culmination of our experiences and the people in our lives. I think that life, in all of its complexities, is meant to be embraced. Not labeled or categorized into a system."

I study her face as my mind continues to be intrigued by her thought process.

"You disagree," She asks, looking at me curiously.

I shake my head and a smile makes it's way over my lips. "Not at all." Tris smiles at me brightly and my heart jumps against my chest wall.

* * *

As always, thank you for leaving comments. They are very much appreciated :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

"Would you like to go for a walk?" Tris stands up from the log and offers me her hand.

I treat her to the warmest, most confident smile I can muster. "Sure."

I throw away our trash while she picks up the blanket and flashlight. When I return she offers me her arm and I take it with a little less hesitation than before.

"So what do you like to do in your free time?" Tris begins as we escape the crowd and start to walk along the bank of the river.

I take a deep breath of the warm night air and watch the moonlight shine against the ripples of the water. "I don't really have much free time. But, when I do, I enjoy visiting the theater or museums if there's an interesting exhibition... I wish I had more time to see films. Mm and read books."

"Well then you should make time."

I give her arm a squeeze. " That's not really an option when an entire faction depends on you."

She rolls her head to the side dramatically, "Ahh, right, the faction leader thing." The corner of my mouth turns upward at her antics.

"I've never been to a play. But I always thought it would be fun - especially a musical!"

"Do you play any instruments?"

"Yeah, but I'm not very good." She kicks at the grass beneath her feet. "I'm trying to learn how to play the guitar."

"Maybe you can play for me sometime?"

"Maybe." She flashes me a bright smile. "How 'bout you, do you play any instruments?"

"I was classically trained on the piano when I was little. But, I don't remember much now." My eyebrows furrow together and I wonder if I can even read a piece of sheet music anymore.

We fall into a comfortable silence and continue walking at a leisurely pace. The roar of the crowd fades into the sound of chirping of crickets, the ribbiting of tree frogs, and the hooting of an owl off in the distance. When we stop walking Tris unfolds the blanket, helps me down to the ground and turns out the flashlight.

When I sit down on the blanket I look up and lose my breath at the view. The sky is completely filled stars. There are no clouds, no skyscrapers or city smog, just stars.

"It's amazing huh?" Tris makes herself comfortable next to me.

"Yes." My eyes wander aimlessly over the sky.

"There's the big dipper!" Tris points her hand up at the sky.

A smile pulls at my lips with her excitement. "Mmmhmm. And if you look over there," I gesture a little to the right, "That's Ursa Minor."

"The little dipper." She corrects me haughtily and I chuckle.

"And, if you look at the end of the handle on the 'little dipper' you'll see Polaris, or, The North Star."

Tris leans over, her shoulder resting against mine. "It's beautiful." We sit in silence for a few minutes, continuing to look at the stars.

"I um." Tris sits up straight and looks down at her feet before she continues. "I'm sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable earlier. I realize I crossed a line, but-"

Tris, the witty, snarky, outgoing girl I had met is curling into herself infront of me. I want to say something, to assure her everything is fine, but the words die before they reach my tongue. I'm not accustomed to doing things on a whim without regard for the possible repercussions.

Tris takes a deep breath. "Here's the deal." My heart starts to beat faster in my chest. My eyes remain glued to the moonlit features of her face and the way her curly brown hair frames her high cheekbones and strong jawline.

"Ever since this morning, I haven't been able to stop thinking about you. About things I want to do with you. Today, I counted down the minutes until I would see you again. And ended up showing up early on your doorstep because I was too excited to wait the other fifteen minutes." She shakes her head and bites down on her lower lip. "I can't really explain it... It's just how it is I guess."

Heat courses through my body and my cheeks burn. I wish I could leap up and run into the river and wash this madness off me. But what really makes me feel like running is - I feel the same way. It's more complicated than that though. I take a shaky breath and try to form a coherent sentence.

"Tris, I think you're great." I swallow hard. "I'm flattered of course." I lean forward and search her eyes, finding disappointment. My heart sinks in my chest. "There are just certain things I -" I purse my lips together searching for the right words. "I can't." I shake my head. "I can't." I say again, only this time I direct the words to myself.

"I completely understand." Tris' eyes look up to meet mine. "I'm sorry to have put you in this position." Her gaze drifts back down and she lays back onto the blanket.

I look over my shoulder at her and my heart lurches. _I'm sorry._ I lay down on the blanket next to her and her head tilts toward me.

"I hope you change your mind."

I turn to meet her gaze and see a grin pulling at the corner of her lips. I give her a warm smile and fold one arm under my head, looking back up at the stars.

"What's that one," she asks pointing up in the sky. "The three stars in a line," she elaborates.

"That's Orion's Belt."

Tris hums beside me. "I have freckles exactly like that over my left knee. Only there are four, not three."

My eyebrows furrow together and I turn to her.

"You don't believe me?"

I raise an eyebrow in disbelief.

Tris sits up quickly and rolls up her pant leg. "Here, look," she shines the flashlight over her left knee. I take a deep breath and prop myself up on my elbows. Sure enough, four freckles cross over her knee from the outside in at a downward angle.

"You were right." I smile at her.

"Told you." She grins back at me. I shake my head and look back down at her knee as memories play through my mind's eye.

Memories of my mother, father and I rush back in a flurry of colors. I remember warm summer nights spent looking up at the sky, my father's telescope and my mother's watchful eye. There was always something that fascinated our family about the stars. My father was a physicist, but he loved astronomy. And my mother, well, she loved us and appreciated the beautiful view. For the second time since arriving at Amity I am reminded of the promise my father made me: _Anytime you see Orion's belt you'll know your mother and I are with you._ I look up into brown eyes and lie back down on the blanket.

"You okay?" Tris turns the flashlight off, rolls her pant leg down and lays down on her side next to me.

I mask any potential signs of sadness and force a smile onto my face, "Of course." My voice comes out less than convincing and I cringe. I take a deep breath and close my eyes.

Warm fingers trace up and down the length of my arm, pulling me free of the memory. Slowly, I open my eyes and look up to see Tris on her side, her head propped up by her elbow and brown eyes trained on me.

"Can I ask you a question?"

"Yes."

Tris waits a moment and traces her fingers up and down the length of my arm again. "Have you ever had feelings for a woman before?"

I groan and put both hands over my face.

"Too forward?"

I release a bark of laughter and I pull my hands away from my face blowing out a breath of hot air. I turn my head to meet her eyes again. "Yes. And I haven't been in a relationship for quite some time.."

"Oh." Tris smile falters. "I'm sorry."

I shake my head unable to believe the conversation I'm currently having.

"I probably should have waited a while to ask you that... I mean-" She shrugs her shoulders nonchalantly, "I coulda waited a day or something."

I shake my head at her bluntness. I'm not sure if I should smile or laugh so I settle on a thoroughly perplexed look instead.

"That would have been the more… Appropriate thing to do."

She grins down at me like the cat that caught the canary.

I stare up at her and a slew of inappropriate thoughts race through my head. _I want to kiss her. I want to roll her over, pin her on the ground and make her moan into my mouth._ Heat pulses through body causing my fingers to tingle.

"It's a shame you don't get to come here more often Jeanine." She states casually and lays down on the blanket next to me.

A fire burns through me. There is so much I want to do to her… I inhale deeply and close my eyes. I refocus my thoughts onto Erudite and the millions of responsibilities that await my return. "My job doesn't allow the time. There's always something needing my attention."

"When was the last time you took a vacation?

I open my eyes grateful for the new topic, but not about the memories it causes to surface. "It was several years ago. Johanna suggested I come here after…" I'm not sure how much time passes until Tris gives my forearm a tight squeeze. "Sorry," I apologize pulling myself from my memories. I want to get up, I want to excuse myself and leave. But then I wonder if all I need to do is say it out loud.

"Andy." His name sounds strangely foreign on my lips for the many times I have said it.

"Andy?" Tris' voice is quiet, soft. "Do you mind me asking who thag is?"

A dull throbbing pain emanates from my chest. I sit up, pull my knees to my chest and wrap my arms around my legs. Memories of my past lover sing me in the gut. It was my fault.

Tris sits up next to me. She doesn't say anything for a moment, and I try to gather my emotions.

"I'm sorry Jeanine," she whispers next to me, resting her hand on my shoulder.

I swallow the lump in my throat. "I'm fine. Really. I just - I don't talk about it." My stomach tightens further as Andy's freckled face comes to the forefront of my mind. My cheeks flush with emotion and tears threaten to build in my eyes.

"Hey." Tris scoots over pressing her side against mine. Her arms slide around me, holding me. I breathe in her scent, it's crisp and sweet, like the air after a heavy rainstorm in the middle of summer.

"We don't have to talk," she whispers. Her arms embrace me and I lean into her a little more, grateful for the gentle tenderness.

"You don't have to explain anything."

Her voice washes through me like a breath of fresh air. I rest my head on her shoulder and the vision of Andy slowly fades from my mind's eye. I shiver involuntarily and Tris pulls me even closer. She rests her cheek against the top of my head and holds me. I close my eyes and focus on the rhythm of her breathing: slow, steady, even. I match my breathing to her's and my heart slowly returns to a regular pattern. Reaching up, I wrap my hand around her strong forearm, brushing my thumb over smooth skin.

Another minute passes before she loosens her embrace. "Okay?"

I nod and lift my head from her shoulder. "Yes." My gaze travels up to meet warm brown eyes and a concerned expression. My mind floods with a mixture of emotions. I inhale deeply and drop my chin. I lean back into Tris, resting my forehead against her neck and my cheek against her shoulder. I exhale against her tan skin and close my eyes. "I'm sorry." My voice is barely above a whisper, but I know she hears me by the way she holds me even tighter.

I take another deep breath and try to ignore the temptation to kiss her. I can't remember the last time I let myself be held. My mind drifts aimlessly and I focus on the steady rhythm of her breathing and the warmth between her arms.

"I should probably get you back home," Tris whispers, pulling me out of my half-asleep state. I take a deep breath and open my eyes, lifting my head from her shoulder.

"Mmm yes." A small yawn escapes me and she gives me a small smile.

"Come on sleepy head. Time to hit the hay." She releases her hold on me and helps me up from the ground. We fold the blanket and she turns on the flashlight again. She offers me her arm and I sink into her side. My eyes are heavy with exhaustion and I yawn again as we make our way back to the truck.

Tris starts the truck and I roll down the window letting the cool night air wake me up. I stare out across the fields and again I'm surprised by how quiet it is. When we reach the cottage Tris opens my door and I get out sliding my arm in with her's. I turn my gaze to her as we walk toward the cottage. _I could get used to this._ My stomach flips and I swallow hard.

"Thank you for coming to the bonfire tonight," Tris says when we reach the lit area of the front porch.

I give her a genuine smile. "Thank you for inviting me." I release her arm and take a couple of steps forward.

Just as I reach the front door I spin on my heels. "You could stay here tonight."

Tris looks at me with a raised eyebrow and desire flashes in her eyes.

My stomach flips. "I mean, you could take the couch if you want," I quickly amend. She giggles at my slip up.

"Nah, 'sokay. I need to go home anyway. Promised Ms. Peterson I'd fix the crack in her sheetrock tomorrow morning."

I hum as I visualize Tris carrying a large piece of sheetrock. "Oh, well, I best not keep you from that."

Tris nods. "Yeah, but I could do dinner tomorrow night if you want."

"That sounds lovely. How about I fix dinner? Johanna's stocked this place full of food and wine."

"Can't wait." Tris gives me a bright smile. "See you around seven thirty again?"

"I'll be here," I promise.

Tris steps up on the porch next to me. A grin pulls at the corner of her cheek and she reaches out, pulling my hand up to her lips. She places a soft kiss to the back of my hand and looks up at me. "Good night Jeanine."

I inhale shakily and my cheeks burn brightly. "Good night Tris." I give her hand a squeeze and she releases it. She turns from me and steps off the porch disappearing into the night. I hear the truck door shut and turn back around to the front door. My mouth stretches into a smile which stays with me for the rest of the night.

* * *

This story is truly a work in progress and I'm not exactly sure where it's headed so please hang in there with me :)


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four**

When I wake the next day I'm surprised to find it's already past 9am. So much for getting an earlier start on the day. Images of the previous night filter through my mind. Drinking, dancing, singing, stargazing, sharing stories. What in the world got into me? Then I remember my companion, Tris, who had invited me, spent the evening with me, and even shared her own story with me. It was a night full of unplanned, unexpected events. And to my pleasant surprise, I had loved every minute of it.

Sunlight pours in through the window across the room and I miss my automatic blinds and home. With a grumble, much too loud to be proper, I get out of bed and take a shower. I slide on a pair of trousers and a navy blouse before making a pot of coffee and finding _Jane Eyre_. When I step out onto the patio I huff into the already humid air. I sit down in the old rocking chair and take a sip of coffee before returning to my book.

A couple hours later I hear a knock at the door and leave my book on the table next to me. When I open the door my best friend stands before me. "Johanna!" A childish squeal and a smile erupt from me as I scamper out onto the porch and embrace my oldest friend.

"Oh I've missed you." Johanna hugs me tightly. "It's been much too long." She rubs my back soothingly.

"Yes it has." I release a heavy breath and relax into her embrace.

"Let me get a look at you," she says, pulling back but not releasing her hold on my hands. Her dark brown eyes scan my frame quickly.

"Still fit as a fiddle I see," she teases. I roll my eyes trying to hide my blush. "And somehow prettier than I remember. Time has served you well my friend." She smiles and it's all I can do not to scoff at her compliment.

"I wasn't in the best of shape the last time you saw me," I remind her gently.

"Ah, yes, that's true. But you look good now." She takes my face in her hands and looks me in the eye, "Tired… But good."

"And you look well." I gently pull her hands away from my face and hold them in my own.

"I am grateful the war is over and we have reached a time of peace. I can finally sleep at night." Johanna smiles and the joy emanating from her soul is a breath of fresh air.

"You and me both." We share a knowing smile and I invite her inside. We each take a glass of tea to the living room and sit on the couch.

"Are you enjoying your stay so far?"

I curl my feet up under me on the couch. "Yes. I forgot how quiet it is out here. And this cottage," I wave my hand through the air, "-is wonderful thank you so much for allowing me to use it."

Johanna smiles warmly, "It's no problem, this little cabin has been in need of some company for a while." I smile and take a drink of my tea.

Johanna has always been able to give life to everything - even buildings. I suppose her becoming the leader of Amity made perfect sense in that way. She was always able to see the best in people, in things, and had a knack for finding value in things that other's may have forgotten or tossed to the side.

We visit for a while and Johanna catches me up on all of the events going on in her life and at Amity. I fill her in on the events of the city, and some of the political issues I am trying to solve.

"I think it's great that you want to set up an organization like that. I know lots of people who would love to travel between the factions and help people," she says after I explain my newest endeavor to her.

"After the war I realized we needed some sort of response system. Not just disaster relief, but people who could go in and help rebuild communities. Voices, bodies, people who care about spreading peace throughout the different factions. I want everyone to be able to experience the different cultures and subcultures within the factions and even outside the wall. We can establish a more democratic government, build schools, and establish a free-trade economy. The only way we will be able to avoid another war is if we as a society realize we're not that different - we want a lot of the same things. And it's important that we emphasize that a faction doesn't have to define you - you can be whatever, whoever you choose to be."

Johanna smiles brightly at me and mockingly raises her glass to me in a toast.

"Oh stop." I laugh and shake my head.

"That," she tips her glass toward me, "Is the reason why _you_ are the leader of Erudite." She takes a drink of tea, her smile never ceasing and I just laugh. "So Miss. World Peace, would you like something to eat," she asks already getting off the couch.

I chuckle at the nickname and follow after her. "I'm starving."

I reach for a loaf of bread to make a sandwich and Johanna bats my hand away. "Nu-uh! Sit yourself right back down. I'm making you lunch. It's not everyday my best friend comes to visit me you know," she says wagging her finger at me. I lift my hands in surrender and take a seat on the barstool at the edge of the kitchen. As I watch Johanna prepare lunch I am reminded at how nice it is to have things done for me, even if it's just something simple like making lunch.

"I guess it was it good." Johanna smirks when I have devoured my entire sandwich and she still has a third of her's left.

I blush, "Yes, very good. I apologize, I uh, I forgot to eat breakfast."

Johanna shakes her head, "Typical you - remembering everything but to take care of yourself." I give her a toothy grin and wash my plate in the sink. "So do you have any plans while you're here?"

I recall last night's events and the promise Tris and I had made. I try to hide my tight lipped smile and focus on the plate I'm drying. "Not really." My voice comes out far less convincing than I had intended.

Johanna remains silent and when I look up she is staring at me with tight, inquisitive eyes.

"What?" I feign ignorance, my blush already creeping up the back of my neck. Johanna eyes turn into small lines as she studies my face. Then they go wide in realization and I know I've been made.

"You've met someone!" She announces loudly and smacks her hand on the counter top.

"Shhh!" I hush her even though no one is around to hear us. A giggle erupts from my belly and my face goes pink. "Stop it," I hiss uselessly.

"Oh Jeanine! I'm so happy for you! Oh my gosh! Wait! Who is it? Is it someone from Erudite? … Oh my gosh is it someone from Amity?" Johanna's voice grows more and more excited. I hide my face behind the plate and start my head against it.

"Oh my gosh!" She drums the counter top with her hands and I nearly jump out of my skin. "You ain't even been here three days and you've already met someone. I mean, I know you're single and you're attractive, but dad gum girl - you move fast!"

"Shhh!" I hush her and put the plate down on the counter. "It's not like that." My cheeks are burning hotly and my hands are starting to shake. Johanna lifts her chin and looks at me suspiciously. "It's not," I say again, forcing my voice to me more even and calm. I lean forward resting my hips against the counter top.

She lowers her gaze and a mischievous grin slides over her lips. "Who is it," she whispers conspiratorially over the bar.

I chuckle and scratch at the back of my neck. "Just someone I met on the road," I say, deciding to leave it a mystery.

Johanna arches an eyebrow. "Seriously," Johanna deadpans, "That's the story you're going with?"

"Mmmhmmm," I nod my head and swallow hard. It's the truth, I did meet her on the road. We fall into silence for a moment and I'm unable to meet Johanna's gaze, my cheeks burn even hotter.

"You know better than to give a vague answer if you don't want me to ask more questions… So, did you meet this person on the way here?" Johanna raises her eyebrows in question.

I shake my head no and take her empty plate washing it in the sink. I can feel her eyes on me the entire time.

"Wait, is this a man we are talking about?"

"Well, I haven't exactly asked how she identifies, but I suppose the immediate answer is yes, she is female."

Johanna stares at me a moment before her lips purse together in a tight smile. "So you met her while you were here," she thinks aloud. I nod my head in confirmation and finish washing her plate. "And you met her on the road. I'm assuming you haven't gone too far from your cabin in the short time you've been here…."

I can tell she is having trouble putting the pieces together, but I give her the extra time and finish drying the plate.

Johanna huffs. "I need another hint here Jeanine."

I swallow the last of the tea in my glass and refill it, needing something to keep my hands busy. I know Johanna is going to support me, no matter how crazy I may sound. "She used to be a Dauntless soldier. Dark hair, very fit -"

"Ohhhhh… You met Tris." Johanna says putting the pieces together.

I turn around to face my friend and nod my head.

Johanna shakes her head, a grin glued to her lips.

"What are you shaking your head for?" I cross the kitchen and lean forward resting my hips against the countertop so we are only a few feet apart.

"She is a looker isn't she," Johanna teases.

"Yes, she is." I swallow hard and feel my cheeks warm as my mind recalls long tan legs, strong arms and dark brown eyes.

"You two couldn't be more opposite," Johanna says casually.

"What do you mean?"

She drops her chin and props her head up with her elbow on the bar. "Oh I love Tris, don't get me wrong. But that girl is a fireball. If somethin's on her mind - she's gonna say it. She's gonna do what she wants and she doesn't give a flip about what other people think. There's nothing politically correct with that one."

I nod my head and recall Tris' behavior last night. "She intrigues me." I shrug my shoulders.

Johanna grins. "I guess I'm not surprised. I've heard that opposites attract. Plus, you've always had a knack for picking out the people who are… Mmmm... How should I say it? … Different?" She smiles warmly.

I take a deep breath and stare down at my hands. "Well there's nothing there yet. I've only just met her. I'm intrigued is all."

"Okay. But still… For what it's worth, I think you may have met your match in Tris Prior. She's gotta lotta layers, just like someone else I know," Johanna leans in and waggles her eyebrows at me. I shake my head and try to hide my blush.

"I still remember the first time I met her," Johanna recalls. "She was this scrawny, wiry, girl with no home and barely anything but the clothes on her back." Johanna sorted and shook her head, "Wouldn't even let me feed her til I promised her she could pay me back."

"Did she?"

"The next mornin' when I woke up, she had fixed the wobbly handrail on my staircase, got the last step to stop creakin' and was workin' on the tractor," Johanna shook her head. "That was payment enough for me."

My lips spread into a smile. "Abnegation is in her blood."

"Mmmhmm," Johanna nodded. "She's a hard worker. I bet she works just as much as you if not more."

My eyebrows raise in surprise. "Do you think she works so hard because it helps her forget things?"

Johanna shrugs her shoulders. "Maybe, but you'll have to ask her that the next time you see her," Johanna teases.

I chuckle at my friend and bury my face in the crook of my elbow.

"I should be getting back." Johanna stands from the barstool, and I instantly wish we had more time.

"I understand." I give her a gentle smile, and we walk to the front door together. "Thank you for lunch, it was a lovely surprise." We step out on the front porch in the hot afternoon air.

"You'll have to come up to the house one evening and let me cook you dinner," Johanna offers.

"I'll be there," I promise.

"You could bring Tris," Johanna adds and waggles her eyebrows conspiratorially.

I roll my eyes and laugh, pulling her into a hug. "I've missed you my friend." I hug her tightly.

"I've missed you too Jeanine." She hugs me back and we stand there for a just a moment enjoying the familiarity that comes with being long-time friends. "Be good," she warns and smacks me playfully on the butt. We both release our hug, share a smile and then say goodbye.

When I return to my book my mind cannot focus on the story. I keep drifting off into thoughts about Tris, and everything Johanna had told me. Perhaps we are not that different, she and I...


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five**

"Jeanine?"

I feel pressure against my shoulder.

"Jeanine?"

The pressure against my shoulder grows tighter. I take a deep breath in through my nose and slowly open my eyes. Tris? I blink a few times as my vision clears. My eyes furrow as I take in the view. Tris is crouched in-front of me her hands now holding the book in my lap.

"Hey sleepy head." She says warmly. I stir in the chair and the muscles in by back ache from the position I had fallen asleep in.

"Hello…" I look around and notice the better part of the afternoon is gone. "What time is it?"

"Just after five." Tris stands, taking the book from my lap. "Are you feeling alright?"

I nod my head, "I'm fine, guess I stayed up too late last night." I flash her a toothy grin. She smiles and offers me her hand. I notice the bandages still wrapped around her palms and gently place my hand in her's, standing - embarrassingly slowly - from the chair. When I am upright Tris squeezes my hand tightly before letting go.

"Is your butt asleep," she teases mirthlessly.

I try to be serious, but a smile quickly overtakes my face as I straighten my posture. "Yes, I believe some paresthesia is occurring ."

She grins and shakes her head, "Smarty pants." I halfway expect her to pat me on my buttox, but instead, she leans in, and places a soft kiss to my cheek, "Hi."

My cheeks flush instantly and my heart beats notably faster, "Hello again." I take a deep breath and release Tris' hand, brushing the wrinkles out of my blouse. "You're early."

"Mmm yeah…" She shrugs her shoulders, "Better to be two hours too soon than be two to late. Besides, I got an early start this morning."

"You got all your work done then?" I turn and Tris follows me into the cabin.

"Yup. Fixed Mrs. Peterson's sheetrock, hayed the back field and helped feed the cattle."

"Sounds like you had a busy day." I open the fridge and pull out a bowl of strawberries.

"Yeah... I thought about you today."

"Oh?" I turn around to see Tris placing paper bags on the kitchen counter. "You brought dinner," I remember aloud.

"I believe that was the plan?" She says with a grin.

"Right." I shake my head in an attempt to clear it and pull fresh strawberries out to wash in the sink. "So what made you think of me today?"

"Oh! When I was helping Uriah with the cattle I stepped into the horse stables and wondered if you'd ever been riding before."

My eyebrow arched in response. "Can't say I have."

"Well," Tris pulls the last of the food from the bags, "Maybe we could go?" She smiles at me excitedly and I purse my lips.

"Perhaps."

Tris grins and turns her turns her attention to the food she has brought. When I look at her now I notice she has worn dark wash jeans and a light grey v-neck tshirt. Her hair is pulled back into a simple pony tail and this time there's no makeup on her face, just the reminiscent glow of a day spend in the sun.

"I hope you're not opposed to steak," Tris says lifting two pieces of meat from what I assume to be a marinade.

"Sounds great," I acknowledge and offer to help. Tris puts me on 'salad duty' and I wash the vegetables while she starts the small charcoal grill on the back porch.

"Would you like one?" Tris asks pulling two beers from the cooler. I consider the way I passed out in the chair earlier, "No thank you, I better stick to water for the remainder of the evening."

Tris grins knowingly, "Okay."

I look down at myself and realize I have no clue what I look like right now. "I'll be right back," I say, quickly excusing myself and barely hearing Tris' "Okay" before disappearing into the bedroom.

I look myself over in the mirror pleased to see that most of my makeup is still in place and my clothes are far less wrinkled than I had feared. I stare at my wardrobe and groan. I have blouses, trousers, even a dress, nothing nearly casual enough other than what I have on. I step into the bathroom and quickly touch up my makeup, brush my hair, and return to the kitchen.

"Ever made twice-baked potatoes," Tris asks as though I never left.

"No, I can't say I've done that either."

"Well, you're just going to learn all sorts of new things while you're here then," Tris grins.

I laugh under my breath and return her smile. The potatoes in her hand catch my eye and I ask her to tell me the plan.

Tris explains the process of making twice-baked potatoes and I find the necessary pans while she gathers the ingredients. We wash the potatoes, poke them several times with a fork, then cover them with olive oil and put them in the oven on a cookie sheet.

"How do you like your steak cooked," Tris asks stepping out of the kitchen and back out onto the patio.

I follow her and stand in the doorway. "Rare, or medium rare, please," I request. Tris stares at me disapprovingly and lifts the lid of the grill. "What?"

She shakes her head and I notice a smile start to tug at the corner of her mouth. "Nothing," she chims and flips the steaks.

"You don't like rare steak," I fill in.

She makes a 'tsk-ing' sound, "No."

I step out on the porch and stand next to her. "Well, you just don't know what you're missing." She hums to herself and I grin at her pursed lips. I can tell she wants to rebuttal, but she keeps it to herself.

"Yeah," a smile tugs at the corner of her mouth and a moment of silence passes between us.

I stare out at the field then hear Tris snicker at my side. "What?"

She shakes her head, a grin is plastered across her face. "I was just thinking about Ms. Peterson. She makes me laugh." I remain quiet, waiting for Tris to explain. "She's this older woman who lives by herself on the outskirts of Amity. Her husband passed away a long time ago, and I go out there sometimes to help her around the house… Guess you could say I do the things on her 'honey-do' list."

I smile at the thought. "I'm sure she is very grateful to have you."

Tris smiles, "Yeah… Anyway, I was telling her about you today and she gave me some sage advice. Want to hear it?"

I gesture openly, "By all means."

"Well, she told me today: that it's best to either have a great partner or don't have one at all!" We share a laugh and Tris continues, "So I told her that I wasn't sure yet, but you seemed pretty great so far."

I shook my head. "Sounds like a pretty cool lady."

"Yeah," Tris smiles. "She's kinda like the grandma I never had." She shakes her head, "I hope I'm as independent and spunky as she is in my old age."

"I have no doubt you will be," I reassure her. We share a smile and I squeeze her shoulder before returning inside.

Two minutes later Tris has finished grilling the steaks and we are pulling the potatoes out of the oven. She shows me how to scoop the potatoes out and we put the empty potato skins back on the pan. She puts the insides of the potatoes into a large mixing bowl, adds the necessary ingredients, and invites me to help her mix everything together. I take the spatula from her and continue mixing as she plates our steaks and salad.

"How's it coming," she asks, standing next to me and peering into the mixing bowl. "Looks pretty good, though it's still a bit chunky. Here," she answers her own question, and reaches over placing her hand over mine on the spatula and stirring vigorously. "Hold on," she reaches around me and holds the bowl so it doesn't tip over.

Tris' body presses into my side as our hands continue to circle the bowl faster and faster. A wave of heat rushes up my spine causing the hair on the back of my neck to stand up and goosebumps to rise on my skin.

"We want it to be smooth, creamy," Tris says continuing to stir. I swallow hard and look at her. I'm tempted to kiss her. Her cheek is only an inch or two from mine and her lips, her lips are so close. I take a deep breath and hold it until the potato mixture is done.

Tris releases the spatula and lets her hand rest on my lower back. "You did good."

Our eyes meet and I am speechless. Her lips ghost over the top of my shoulder before she takes a step back and I can finally breathe. I forego my earlier idea to not drink any alcohol and pull a new bottle of wine from the fridge.

"Thought you weren't going to have anything," Tris teases as I pour myself a glass.

"Mmmm, yes well, you're a bad influence on me," I say putting the cork back in and returning the bottle to the fridge.

"I don't think I'll corrupt you too much," she quips. I take a sip of my wine and notice the flash of mischief that dances through her eyes. Tris carries our plates to the dining room table and we sit down to eat.

"This is delicious," I say, savoring my perfectly grilled steak. "Where did you learn to cook?"

"My mom." I noticed a smile slowly start to tug at her lips. "She was a great cook."

"Was?"

"Yeah." Tris kept her eyes down on her plate as she spoke. "She and my father passed away during the war… There was a fire… in Abnegation…"

"At the very beginning of the war," I filled in, vaguely recalling the incident.

Tris nodded, "One of the houses that burned was ours… My brother and I barely made it out."

I reached across the table and wrapped my fingers around Tris' forearm squeezing it lightly. "I'm so sorry Tris." She shrugged her shoulders, and continued staring down at her food. After a few seconds of silence passed, I released her hand. "So tell me about your brother."

"He's actually kind of in love with you," Tris chuckles.

My eyes open wide. "Is that so?"

"Yeah." Tris shakes her head with a smirk. "It's like you walk on water or somethin'."

I chuckle under my breath. "Ah, well, you may assure your brother that despite my best efforts, I am still unable to walk on water."

"I'll be sure to let him know." She chuckles, and I am happy to see her smile return. "Speaking of, how would you feel about a walk after we have finished here? I was thinking I could show you this really cool overlook. It's a little ways from here, but I promise it's worth it."

"That sounds nice."

"Good," Tris grins. "It'll be an adventure."

I shake my head. Something tells me everything involving Tris is an adventure. I smile to myself and we enjoy the rest of our meal.

"Thank you for dinner," I say, following Tris off the back porch. "I really didn't expect to be wined and dined when I came here."

"I love any chance I get to pamper a beautiful woman," Tris says, not missing a beat.

"I imagine you get your fair share of opportunities," I tease.

"Probably not as many as you're currently imagining," Tris counters.

My cheeks flush and I try to hide my grin. She offers me her arm and I reach out linking us together. She leads me through the hayfield to a dirt road stretching out for what looks like miles.

"Should we go back and get a flashlight," I ask, noticing the sun has almost disappeared behind the hills.

"Nah," Tris shakes her head, "Full moon out tonight, we'll be able to see our way back just fine."

A smile tugs at the corner of my mouth and I pull Tris closer. We walk for a while in silence and I feel myself relax as the sky melts into a canvas of pink and blue. My gaze travels to Tris and I watch as the remaining sunlight dances over her tanned skin. Her brown eye shine with flecks of gold and it nearly takes my breath away.


	6. Chapter 6

I had expected to come here for solace, for peace and quiet, and Amity definitely provided that. I was far from the hustle and bustle of city life. Far from honking horns, hailing cabs, endless meetings and conference calls. What I hadn't anticipated was Tris. I felt her arm tighten, pulling me closer, and I look back at the road with a broad smile across my lips.

"Almost there." Tris leads me off the road and into the trees. "I'm so excited for you to see this."

Her excitement is infectious and me move a little faster. Tris tugs me forward through a break in the treeline. When we emerge on the other side we are left standing on the edge of a cliff overlooking the valley below. The air in my lungs stills at the view. Sunlight spills over the hills and across the river. The sky is dyed pomegranate pink and the fields are filled with golden wheat.

"It's beautiful huh?" Tris asks beside me.

"Yeah," I agree, unable to look away, my eyes studying the landscape. Tris unhooks our arms and sits down on the ledge, letting her feet dangle over the cliff. She turns to look up at me and offers her hand. I take a half step back, but she quickly clasps my hand.

"Trust me. I won't let you fall."

I stare into dark orbs and sink to the ground.

"Come on," Tris pats the empty space next to her.

I grumble under my breath and unfold my legs, inching out to the edge until I am sitting next to her with my feet dangling over the edge. I take a deep breath and blow it out between my lips.

"Just don't look down," Tris says, as though I'd ever look down.

I scoff and shake my head. I turn my attention back to the landscape and then to Tris. She watches the fields, seemingly lost in the rhythmic way the wheat bends with the breeze. Her eyes are steady on the horizon, face aglow with the last orange rays before twilight beckons the stars. Her lips bear the semblance of a smile, just enough to show that she is enjoying her thoughts, whatever they may be. I move closer to her, allowing our hands to touch, wanting to stay lost in the moment for as long as possible.

A few minutes pass before I feel Tris' eyes on me. I turn to meet her gaze and she gives me a small smile. I want to ask her what she is thinking, to delve into what's going on inside her head. But Johanna's words echo in my mind, 'she has many layers, just like someone else I know'. So, I remain silent, waiting for Tris to speak first.

"I'm glad you're here," she says, her voice more raspy than I remember it being.

I offer her a small smile, "Me too. Coming here was a good idea. Though I didn't intend to actually meet anyone."

"Damn that flat tire," Tris smiles and knocks her knee against mine.

I chuckle and shoot her a smile.

"So," Tris leans back and props herself up with her arms, "Since you like to tease me about my love life I feel it's only fair to return the favor."

I roll my eyes and scoot back, pulling my legs up so I am sitting cross-legged and facing Tris.

"How long has it been since you were in a relationship?"

I stare down at my hands and flick dirt out from under my fingernails. I'm so unaccustomed to speaking about my own feelings, I had thought it would be more difficult, but when I looked at Tris, everything seemed to come bursting out. "It's been a few years since I had a serious relationship. I've been on a few dates, but I guess I'm not as forthcoming enough to keep them interested."

Tris feigns a gasp and puts one hand on her chest. "Jeanine, you mean to tell me that you were difficult to get to know and that you didn't put out?"

Tris is giggling now and my cheeks blush. I smack her on the leg and shake my head. "I don't know what it was, but you can label it however you want. If I'm honest, I wasn't really looking for a serious relationship anyway…" I take a deep breath and my heart starts to ache in my chest. "My last serious relationship lasted a couple of years, but he left when I spent more time at work than with him." I shrug my shoulders, "I guess it shouldn't have been a surprise that he found someone else. I wasn't just that he found someone else though, I was alone with my wounded pride and thousands of people looking to me to lead them. The war started and I threw myself into my work. I've never really taken the time to think about a serious relationship since then. My work is my life."

Tris is no longer giggling. "Well, fuck him, Jeanine. Really, fuck him. He should have stuck by you and helped you."

"It's all a little more complicated than that… Relationships require time and I didn't have the time-"

"Relationships are complicated," Tris sits up and wraps her arms around her legs. "They don't have to be though. I think the less complicated things are, the easier things are in the long run. Every relationship I've ever had, has been way too complicated. It was never as simple as going on dates, falling in love and happily ever after. It was always far more complicated than it should have been."

"I've always had a propensity for complex things," I smile.

Tris laughs, "Yes I would imagine so."

I watch her laughter fade into a smile and my heart feels lighter. "Quid pro quo?" Dark eyes dart up to meet mine. "I've answered your question, can I ask you one in return?" My eyes linger on her's before trailing down to the black bird on her collar bone. "When did you get your tattoo?"

Tris looks down at the black ink and pulls her shirt to the side revealing two more birds. "I got them when I joined Dauntless. One for each member of my family that I left behind."

"Ah," I nod my head and stare at the black birds.

"I have the Abnegation symbol on my right shoulder and the Dauntless symbol on the left," Tris explains.

A smile tugs at the corner of my lips. "Can't be just one thing?"

"Never." Tris smiles and we share a knowing smile.

The sun falls behind the hillside and the stars start to appear in the sky.

"So-" Tris starts. I look over to see a blush creeping up her cheeks. "-You haven't had sex with anyone for a few years?"

I wish I would have brought a bottle of wine. My eyes open wide and I shift in place. "Yes."

Tris is silent, but at least she doesn't look at me with pity, the way Johanna used to do when she was still trying to set me up on dates. "Don't you miss it?"

My eyebrows shoot up. "Miss? Miss is definitely not the correct word. I miss intimacy, and touching someone just because you want to and you love them, but to say that I miss having sex, would be a lie."

Tris wipes her hand over her lips and arches an eyebrow, "Was it really that bad?"

I burst into laughter at her forthrightness. Tris giggles with me. After the laughter subsides, we are left only smiling at each other again.

"All jokes aside," Tris folds her legs criss-cross like mine, "I'm by nature a very tactile person, what with having being born in Abnegation, the faction of helping hands, hugs and all - I do have a habit of touching people. When I first offered you my arm I couldn't help but notice how surprised you were."

"Most people aren't chivalrous Tris," I point out gently. "I don't mind it, it's just different than the business-professional world I am accustomed to."

"Good." Tris smiles and her white teeth shine in the moonlight. "But, just for the record, it's a damn shame that you're not have sex, Jeanine. And not just because you have a killer body."

I decide not to take offence. It's easier than I thought. "It's a gradual process. It's not as though I just decided to stop having sex. I barely had time to digest what was happening in the world, let alone what was happening to my own body. I'm married to my work, and I've never really felt like I was missing anything."

Tris narrows her eyes at me then starts to stand, "I think we should continue this conversation while we walk. I need you to ask me another question because I have a few more for you." She offers me her hand and helps me up off the ground.

I brush off my pants and take Tris' arm as she leads me away from the cliff and back into the trees. I don't have to think about my next question very long. "When did you know that you liked women?"

"That was predictable." She pulls me closer to her side and I grin. "It wasn't a revelation or anything spectacular. There were no rainbows or unicorns that came to me in my dreams, more like a culmination of conclusions. I guess the big rainbow flag had to be when I was about to finish school and I realized I would never see my humanities teacher again."

"Teacher crush?"

"The worst!" Tris guides me through the treeline and back to the road. "Once I got to Dauntless, I got over it quickly enough though."

"Your turn," I say giving Tris' arm a light squeeze.

"Okay, but just so I know how to play my cards here, how much longer are we doing this for, because I have at least two pertinent questions remaining."

"Two is fine." I can't remember the last time I shared so much extremely private information about myself with someone else.

"Okay, the easy one first… Have you ever considered being with women?"

My eyebrows shoot up, my mouth falls open. Leave it to Tris to be blatant. "Honestly, I haven't. But I haven't really considered being with anyone."

"Why not? I mean, obviously I'm biased, but in my eyes, relationship-wise there's nothing designed to work better than two women together. Two men will almost always want an open relationship, which is fine, but not easy to maintain in the long-term, and heterosexual couples can be so unevenly matched in their desires. Personally, I do believe in monogamy - a lot - but I also believe that, specifically for men, it goes against their nature."

"Very biased, indeed."

"I know very well I'm over-simplifying to get my point across, but I've seen it happen over and over again."

"Purely theoretically, the argument you make is sound, but, of course, there's the small matter of attraction to take into consideration."

"True, but what are you saying, Jeanine? That in all your years, you have never looked at a woman and thought: yum?"

"Yum?" I blurt it out because I feel caught out. And whereas I've certainly admired many a woman's physique, or fellow professional's work ethic, or the way Jane Rizzoli's accent rolls off her tongue in Rizzoli and Isles, I've certainly never consciously entertained the notion of… of Yum. Not until we spent the night by the campfire and looking up at the stars, it dawns on me now. "No." I shake my head for emphasis. _That's a lie._

"You're loss," Tris shrugs and I can imagine her grin in my mind. "But yes, I am truly and profoundly biased, I admit."

"Have you ever been attracted to men?" I ask quickly, to deflect attention from the heat rising in my chest.

"No… Well, there was this one Dauntless soldier, his name is Four, he was my commander. It was a purely mental attraction though… Do you know what I mean?"

"Yes."

"I was attracted to his mind and the way it worked, but that was all."

I nodded my head. "Have you slept with men?" Her forwardness is surely rubbing off on me.

"Oh no. Wait your turn Jeanine. My question now."

I smile at Tris, a wide smile coming from a place deep within me, and for the briefest of instances, I let myself feel it. This giddiness, this sensation of being totally at ease with someone, so at ease that I'm telling her things I've never told anyone.

"So," Tris puts a little bit more space between our sides and my heart pitter-patters in my chest. "I've saved the big one for last." I think she's enjoying this immensely as well, which flatters me. "Do you, Jeanine Matthews," she beings, her voice low and dramatic, "satisfy yourself? Your sexual needs, I mean."

I huff out a loud, nervous laugh, while shaking my head. She's crossing a line now, and the giddiness of only a few seconds ago, flees my system rapidly. Tris stares at me in the moonlight, as if not wanting to miss a split second of my reaction. "I'm sorry Tris." To my horror, my voice is trembling a little. "I'm not going to answer that question. That is just too personal."

She is silent for a quick moment. "Fair enough, I guess." She pulls me close to her side again as the cabin comes into view. "But Jeanine, just so you know, your refusal to reply is a response in itself."

 _Why would she do this?_ I think about it while we walk. Why would she endeavor to end this perfectly fine evening, this companionship that has grown between us, by asking me something crass like that. I let my guard down too much. I unhook my arm from Tris' but she catches my hand in her's.

"Jeanine, I'm sorry. I went too far. It's what I do sometimes." She steps closer so she is standing in front of me, the moonlight illuminating her face. "Forgive me?"

I pull my hand free of Tris'. "Feel free to make all the assumption about me you want, Tris. If I'm an uptight business faction leader in your eyes, then that's perfectly fine with me. The only thing I was after was a quiet holiday on my own. I let you take me to the bonfire and bring me here, and we were having a good time. But you had to ask the rudest questions? I don't think so." As I say the words, I know I'm exaggerating, know that I'm taking something I can't deal with out on her. I also can't move because her fingers intertwine again with mine and her touch, innocent though it is, is doing something to my skin - something I can't rationally explain.

Tris drops her chin and meets my glare. "Okay, before we both say things we don't mean: timeout."

I see this as my chance to leave her behind. My brain hasn't been this rampant with emotion since… since as long as I can remember. I have no idea what to do with myself, what to say next, how to get myself out of this pickle.

"Please, Jeanine, accept my apology." Tris looks sincere when she say it but, even though her face is half-obscured, it's as though I can sense something else. It's not just forgiveness she's after, I conclude. With the corner of her mouth turned up like that, and the stare she keeps laying on me, I think she's also trying to tell me that she has sensed something. Not just that she hit the subjects I never talk about - dating, sex, masturbation - but that, perhaps, the reason why I was putting up a fight may be something else entirely. "I'll be a good girl from now on," she adds. "As good as you want me to be."

"Apology accepted," I say, because I don't want things to be like this between us. "Just… respect my boundaries a bit more, please."

"I will." She pulls our joined hands to where her heart is, and give a tiny nod of the head. I squeeze her hand and we walk toward the cabin. "And for the record, Jeanine, you're a really great listener. You're not nearly as uptight as I first thought you were, and I had a truly wonderful time with you this evening. Thank you." She's still clutching my hand in hers. I make no move to remove my hand from her grasp either. So we stand there, under the feeble light of a full moon, hand in hand, and something is changing within me. I just haven't figured out what.


	7. Chapter 7

**CHAPTER SEVEN**

In bed, I can't stop thinking about Tris' last question. Not the untowardness of it, or the fact that it threw me so much, but what it implies about Tris. What is she doing in her room right now? After the prolonged goodbye, she left and I retired to my bedroom. Ever since slipping under the sheets, it's all I can think about… As though Tris has awakened something inside me. My mind is a mess of emotions and logic dueling for dominance. Perhaps it all started when I saw her crouched by the flat tire. I think of Johanna and wish I could talk to her. She would help me make sense of everything I'm feeling.

I've already got up twice. Once to look out of the window, at that spotlight of moon that has witnessed this - for now - unspeakable change within me, and once to take off my pajamas which, suddenly, seem too much. Too warm for the hot summer night, and too constricting for the thoughts swirling in my brain.

And while I lie here, my mind drifting to Tris' face, her last question still fresh in my mind, my naked body feels free under the flimsy sheet, and I think to myself: why not? Because Tris was right, I'm not in the habit of 'satisfying myself'. Frankly, it's not something I allow my mind to dwell on. Until she brought it up. But now that it has, I feel as though I should try. For someone who puts a lot of work into maintaining a healthy body, I spend far too little time enjoying it. So, I spread my legs. A strange sensation at first. To feel the shift of air there - between my legs. I trail on finger between my breasts, and marvel at how my skin breaks out in goosebumps. It's all about intention, I conclude. I've traced a finger over my skin many a time, but never with this in mind, and just the notion of it changes everything.

 _How would Tris do this?_ I wonder. _Would she fondle her breasts first? Or go straight for where the action is?_ And it's thoughts like these that throw me the most. The Jeanine who arrived here would never have them. The easy conclusion would be to say this is a mental break. Acute and obvious. Because here I lie in bed - and this seems most ridiculous to me - lusting after a woman I've known for less than a week. It's not who I am. But yet, it's true. It's happening. The real question is: can it be undone? I blow out a heavy breath. This is preposterous.

No, this is not something I can allow. It was just a momentary lapse in judgment. It was a ridiculous notion. I'm kind enough with myself to admit that I display signs of weakness sometimes. It's human. I'm human. I'm flawed. It's the circumstances, and the conversation we had, and Tris' blunt but charming way. It's a fluke. As of tomorrow, I will keep my distance. I'll stay off the alcohol. I'll discover the landscape by myself and I'll give Johanna that visit she insisted upon. It's easy enough to keep this up. I could even cut my holiday short, there are lots of things I need to attend to. I'll leave Amity then she'll be gone, out of my life, and I'll forget about this episode, pretend it never occurred. No one will ever know.

For this to happen, it's imperative I close my legs this instant. So, I do. Easily. I throw the sheet off me and quickly put on my pajamas. As though the simple act of covering up my naked body can erase the madness in my brain - or no, not my brain. Something more primal than that. My loins, yes. Anyway, bygones, I've covered myself up and I'm Jeanine Matthews again, a respectable woman and faction leader. It's all over. I slip back under the covers, take a few deep breaths and try to sleep.

I wake up with the sheet twisted tightly around my waist, after the worst night of sleep I've had in years. I'm usually a good sleeper, because I make a point of being at peace with myself before I go to bed, and I maintain excellent sleep etiquette. Keeping last night's feelings at bay may require a bit more effort, but I'm more than prepared to make as much effort as needed. To become myself again. Before I get up, I decide on my schedule for the day. I want to be prepared in case I run into Tris, want to have my words ready to speak - to clearly state my intentions.

In the shower, I hum, pleased with myself and how I'm handling the situation. Relieved, even, to not have to deal with whatever was stirring within me. And happy to have found the means to lock it away.

Ideally, Tris will leave me be for the day and I won't have to explain anything. The first moment of deflation comes when I open the front door to see a bouquet of wildflowers. I pick up the flowers and read the small card attached to the stem.

 _I'm sorry. Please let me make it up to you. - Tris_

I can deal with this. It's not even a setback, just a situation a fraction less than ideal because it means I will be seeing her again at some point. I leave the flowers on the kitchen counter and walk out the front door, not bothering to put them in a vase.

I stare at the hill for a moment then remember the bike that was kept out back. I walk around the cottage, climb on, and take off. At first, I wish I had brought my cell phone so I would have some music to listen to, but then, on second thought, I'm glad I didn't because the music would probably only make me think of the near-perfect time I had spent with Tris. I shake my head. She's infected my brain and I need to get away.

As I reach the top of the hill, my thoughts are scattered and free-flowing, I applaud myself on the good decision I made. On how I handle this maturely. But by the time I arrive at a main hub, the blue of the sky floors me, and I'm reminded why I hardly ever travel: because, more than any other activity, doing it alone makes me feel disproportionately lonely. Then I start missing Tris' easy chatter of the day before, and how she spoke about her brother, and the chat we had at the bonfire then the cliff. And I don't know how it's possible, but I realize that I miss her company. It's not logical, it's not sane, it's hardly proper, but it's how it is. I miss her.

I've only been en route a few minutes but I already want to turn around, race to the cottage, and wait for Tris to show up. This is not a change of heart, I say to myself. But as I felt increasingly miserable, I was able to convince myself very easily that, if I truly wanted to put this behind me, escaping Tris' proximity was not the best method. I had to turn around and tackle it head-on: by chasing the unwanted images from my mind while face - to - face with her.

I ride the bike into the nearby hub and find a nicely dressed young man. "Excuse me?"

"Yes ma'am," he turns his attention to me with a toothy grin. "How may I help you?"

"I was wondering if it would be possible to get a message to someone. I don't have her number, and I'm not sure if she's even working in the fields today." I mentally scolded myself. I didn't think this through.

"Do you know her name?"

"Tris Prior."

"Prior, Prior," the young man flips through a list on his clipboard. "Ah yes, Ms. Prior is on equine duty today. I can get a message to her when she goes on her lunch break. Do you know what you'd like to say?"

I bite down on my lower lip and shifted on my feet. "Um," I swallowed, "Tell her: I'll be at the cottage if you still want to have dinner with me." A little needy perhaps. And a tad passive-aggressive. I snicker to myself.

The young man gives me confirmation and sends me on my way, "Go with happiness."

I give him a small wave and climb back on the bike. On the long ride back, with nothing but silence, I know that I'm fooling myself. "Nice try," I tell myself - my silly, wanton, overly eager self. Because what has transpired in my psyche over the past few days, subtle at first, but then bursting to the fore with great explosions of realisation, cannot be undone. Not even I, with my stiff upper lip, my carefully planned out days, and my emotions in check, can undo what Tris has unleashed in me. All the logic in the world wouldn't be able to keep my heart from beating harder when I think of her.

It's only normal that I'm terrified, and my actions are stuttering cries for something. I just don't know what it is exactly. I certainly haven't fell in love overnight… But maybe it was there all along… Johanna had always suspected, and from time to time I would consider the notion that perhaps love could be instant for some people. It kind of makes sense. I know that I want to spend more time with Tris. The desire beats in my blood like a gentle, steady drum. Being with her brings out a different side of me. A side I like. She makes me more communicative, more in touch with my emotions, more ready to share. More alive.

A few hours later a young woman knocks on the door of the cabin with a message for me. I unfold the paper to see familiar scrawled handwriting.

 _I'll pick you up at 7._

That's it. And her simple reply makes me wonder again, makes me question my sanity. But it's not as though I'm preparing for something unseemly. It's a meal. It's company. A new friend. As unlikely pair as we might be, if the past 24 hours have convinced me of anything, it's that Tris and I could be friends. After all, she's quite different from anyone else I've ever met. A funny, relaxed, sweet girl with her heart in the right place. A young woman still looking for her place in the world. Much the opposite of me, but isn't that something to value in a friend? A different take on things. The option to look at an issue from a totally different perspective and just step out of my own mind, the one I've been trapped in my entire life.

I pick up the bouquet of wildflowers from the kitchen counter and arrange them in a vase.


	8. Chapter 8

CHAPTER EIGHT

"Jeanine?"

My name echoes through the cottage and my heart skips a beat at the sound of Tris' voice. "Coming!" My heels thud against the hardwood floor as I round the corner to see Tris standing at the front door.

Tris stares at me - gawks really - and I smooth out the material of my simple midnight blue cocktail dress. Tris remains silent as her eyes trace my curves. I start to squirm under her gaze. "Did you have a good day?"

"Hm?" Tris finally blinks and looks up to meet my eyes. "Oh, yeah." She scratches her head and I bite my lip to keep from grinning.

"Am I overdressed?"

"No!" Tris instantly insists, "You look fantastic!"

"Thank you," I smile as my eyes wander up and down her frame and I am pleased to see she has dressed up as well. "You look quite fetching yourself Ms. Prior."

Tris laughs and shakes her head. "There's no comparison here." She blows out a quick breath and offers me her arm. "Shall we?"

"Yes," I take her arm and let her lead me out the front door, "thank you."

Tris helps me into the truck and we talk about how we spent the day until the truck comes to a stop in front of a small house.

"I hope you don't mind if we don't go out… I kind of feel bad since you dressed up so nice." Tris bites her lower lip anxiously.

"Of course, I don't mind." I reach over and squeeze her hand, assuring her it's okay.

Tris smiles and bounds out of the truck opening the door for me and helping me out. "So-" she gestures to the small house we have parked in front of, "-this is my place."

"I like it," I smile and think of my penthouse at Erudite, and the house just outside of the city my parents left for me. For all their fancy amenities, neither of them could compete with the way Tris is grinning with pride. We cross the threshold of the front door and I notice a ladder, a pile of brick and a toolbox have been shoved to the side.

"It's a work in progress."

Tris shrugs, but I don't miss the blush that colors her cheeks. I let her lead me into the living room and the kitchen where she quickly pours me a generous glass of red wine.

"Dinner is-" Tris takes a peek inside the oven.

"A work in progress," I fill in with a grin.

Tris shuts the oven door, "Yeah."

We share a laugh and the tension in the room dissipates. Tris tells me to make myself comfortable and I opt to sit at the breakfast bar while she pulls a few items from her fridge. I take small sips of my wine, carefully measuring the time in between sips, so as not to let it get to my head too much. The last thing I need to be this evening is tipsy, but I don't want to be rude either.

"Well, it's going to be about ten minutes until dinner is ready," Tris says as she saunters around the kitchen. "What to do until then?"

"Show me your place." I'm honestly curious to see what this little house holds.

Tris grins from ear to ear and steps over to the bar offering me her arm again. "Right this way my lady."

She shows me around the main level of the house and I am instantly intrigued by a record player she keeps in her living room. "Do you think we could play something?" I'm slightly embarrassed by my own eagerness, but Tris doesn't seem to mind. She shows me to a nearby bookshelf that is lined with records. I brush my fingers over the spines and a smile spreads over my lips. "Oh!" I nearly jump in place when my finger glides over an Aretha Franklin record. I pull it off the shelf, "Can we play this one?" Tris does that giggle, the slightly offensive one. Only Tris has the uncanny ability to offend and charm me at the same time. Or perhaps, it now dawns on me, it's called flirting.

"Of course." Tris puts the record on the player and drops the needle on its surface. The speakers crackle to life and I take another sip of my wine. The sound of a piano bursts through the speakers and my heels immediately tap against the floor. Tris looks at me and smiles brightly. She turns up the volume and takes the wine glass from my hand setting it on the bookshelf. She turns around and, without any hesitation, rests her hand on my hip, holds my other hand in hers and leads me in a dance.

I wish I had finished my glass of wine before hand because I am far too stiff to dance very well. But Tris guides me easily around her living room. She spins me out and pulls me back in, never missing a single beat. I can't even begin to hide the smile that appears on my face. She is a divine dancer. She mouths the words as the chorus hits dramatically and laughter bubbles up from somewhere deep inside of me. When the song ends I am reduced to a bundle of smiles and giggles. I try to remember the last time I danced just for fun, but I can't recall.

The oven beeps and I follow Tris back to the kitchen. I have nothing else to do but watch when she meticulously pulls the pan from the oven and gives me a full view of her behind. The muscles of my lower abdomen clench and I take a generous drink of my wine then cross my legs.

"Bear with me, Jeanine," Tris says. "I messed up the timing a bit, but it should be ready now." She pulls plates from her cupboard and fills them accordingly. I catch a whiff of what she has fixed. It smells delicious.

"My mom taught me how to make this when I was twelve years old," she says, as she deposits a tray onto the table. "In a kitchen quite similar to this one actually."

The chicken is golden-brown, it's skin deliciously crispy.

"I hope you don't mind a bit of spice. Over the years, I've added more and more." She flashes me a grin before leading me into the dining room.

"This is delicious," I say, although my taste buds do need to adjust to the heat of the spices.

Her phone rings and she ignores the call flipping her phone over and laying it on the table top.

I raise an eyebrow, more amused by the annoyed expression she uses than who called her. "You can take that if you need to."

"No." She shakes her head, "You know what?" Tris picks up her phone, "I'm just going to turn this off." She shuts down her phone demonstratively.

"I'm actually surprised you have signal out here, I can't pick up anything at the cottage."

"Yeah, I only have service here in the house because of the wifi."

"Oh, that makes sense." I take another bite of my chicken and accept Tris' offer of more wine.

"Anyway, tell me more about your day. You mentioned something about a bike ride?"

I don't tell her about how the prospect of seeing her at the cottage pulled me towards it. Nor do I let her know how much I missed her company. Instead, I marvel at the delights of Amity's open landscape, and the beauty of this region, and how uninterrupted days of nothing but blue skies above you must be the best cure for just about everything.

"I'm glad you had a good time," she says as we reach the end of our meal. "Last night, it really seemed as though you were running away from me. I'm making a point of being more respectful towards you now. I hope you've noticed."

"I have, and I got your flowers, they are lovely, thank you."

"You're welcome," Tris smiles.

I swallow and wipe the crumbs from the corners of my mouth. I fold the napkin meticulously in my lap. "And I did, uh, sort of run away from you."

"...We had a moment, didn't we?" Tris has pushed her plate away and sits back watching me. "Last night before I left, I got the distinct impression you were more upset about that than about what I asked you. I mean, I know I crossed a line. But you reaction was far too strong for my crossing the line to be all that was upsetting you."

I look up to meet her gaze then focus on the remaining wine in my glass. "I'm not sure what you mean by having a moment."

I'm glad Tris waited until the meal was over to corner me like this. Is this what she means by being more respectful? Or am I being too uptight again? I have too many emotions whirring around in my head - clouding my logical reasoning - to tell.

"Can I speak freely," Tris asks, and I nod my head. "If you were anyone else, I wouldn't ask, but I don't want you to clam up on me again. If you don't want to have this conversation, we won't. But, and perhaps you're not even fully aware of it, Jeanine, I think you do. I even think you _need_ to have it."

I mull over the day I've had, and my mind drifts back to 'the moment' she's referring to, and I know I'm deliberately playing dumb about it, and it really doesn't suit me. "Okay. Be my guest."

But Tris doesn't say anything. Is it her way of making _me_ say something? More sweat drips down my spine. I'm just about to utter something deflecting when she gets up out of her chair and heads towards me. Flabbergasted, but with my stomach turning in on itself with unprecedented excitement, I witness how she plants her hands on the armrests of my chair, leans in, and kisses me full on the lips.

That's speaking very freely, I think, at first, because my mind is racing, and so is my pulse and - what is happening? I push myself forwards, though, in order to better receive her kiss, and when I feel her lips open a fraction, I do the same, and then our tongues meet, and it's as though I can feel it in the tiniest cells in my body. I feel it tingle in my toes and chase up my spine and ripple underneath my skin.

Tris brings her hands to my cheeks, her fingers splayed, and the gesture engulfs me in another shockwave of emotion, and desire, and abandon. Her tongue twirls freely in my mouth now, meeting mine, darting to and fro, and all of this is, by far, the strangest thing to have happened to me in years. I barely remember kissing a man, yet I know this is distinctly different. It's softer, gentler, endlessly more erotic.

And even though I'm really still too stunned to move, I bring my own hands to Tris' neck, and I pull her closer, because where she is right now, is exactly where I want her to be. We kiss for long, slow, delicious minutes, which are probably only seconds, but time stretches into infinity as I surrender, as I let go of everything, and recognise wholeheartedly what it is I felt on the road two days ago.

 _Desire._

When, at last, we break from our lip-lock, and my brain starts working again, I immediately feel myself stiffen. Because what does this mean? Does this make me gay? Does it matter? Is this lust? Love? A combination of both? And where will this go? Does that even matter? Tris had said the less complicated - the better.

"Fuck Jeanine," Tris pants. "I've been wanting to do that for a while."

"You have?" I ask, stupidly.

Tris just smiles and leans in again, but I can't enjoy this second kiss as much as the first. I'm no longer stunned into shock, but into something else: realization. When the kiss ends, and Tris looks at me with what I think is longing in her eyes, I can't help but back off a bit.

"Do you want me to stop?" She hovers over me, her breasts level with my eyes, and I don't know what to say or do.

"I uh, just thought you wanted to talk," I mumble, unable to move. My brain is on the fritz.

She grins, and sits down, putting her hands on my knees. "Sometimes it's easier to say something without words."

I wish I could go home and think this over. Give it the analytic Jeanine Matthews treatment I give everything else in my life. But I'm here, in this house with Tris, who is making me feel things I can't name, I can't even fathom. She's making me _feel_.

I swallow hard and clear my throat, "When did you want to kiss me?"

She pulls her face into a quizzical expression, as though contemplating my question vigorously. "When we were looking at the stars. I was so drawn to you I could hardly stop myself." She catches my ankle between hers. "And last night. Definitely last night. God, I was flirting so heavily with you. And you were responding so… favorably. Until I got impatient and screwed it up."

I shift in my chair and take a deep breath. "Look, uh, Tris, I'm not saying I didn't enjoy that kiss, but this is extremely confusing for me… I-I've… I mean… I haven't thought about being in a relationship for…Well, a while."

"I understand. It's kinda confusing for me too." She squeezes her fingers a bit harder around my bare knees. "But, please, do me one favour, Jeanine. Don't run. Don't lock yourself inside your mind. Please, don't leave me to process this all by myself. Don't shut me out."

Truth be told, it is my first instinct. I need to mull this over. At least attempt to explain it, and give it a place in my life. "I won't," I say instead.

"In the end, it's only a kiss. It doesn't need to be any more than that if that's what you want," Tris reasons aloud.

I think of my life at Erudite, of all the things I have control over in my life. Then I look at Tris and I am reminded of how little control I have over the way I am feeling. I shake my head. "I'm afraid I currently have absolutely no clue as to what I want." I run my fingers through my hair and sigh.

" _I_ do." Her fingers creep up my thighs just a tiny bit, but it's enough to nearly make me flinch and jump out of my chair. "I'm sorry." She removes her hands entirely from my body and releases my ankle from the prison of her clasped-together legs. "I have a tendency to get way ahead of myself."

My jaw sets and I feel my walls building at a rapid pace. "I won't claim to know what it is you want from me right now, although I do have an inkling, but a kiss is absolutely and definitely as far as this can go for me."

"Absolutely _and_ definitely, huh?" Tris mocks then leans back in her chair. I can tell she is trying to hide a smirk. "Of course."

My voice drops to a lethal level and I arch an eyebrow in defiance. "And, no matter what happens, you can never tell anyone about this."

"Cross my heart," Tris swears.

My heartbeat slows and the acutest rigidness begins to leave my muscles. I'm starting to recover from the kiss, starting to feel a little like myself again - even though I have no idea who that is anymore.

"Do you want to talk?" she asks.

"Freely, you mean?" This time, _I_ stretch my legs, and lightly touch my shin to hers, so she knows that I have thought of kissing her as well.

Tris giggles then bites down on her bottom lip. "Well, Jeanine, if this is what happens when we listen to Aretha Franklin - I do wonder where it will end if I offered to listen to an entire album with you."

I'm so grateful for how she defuses the tension, and her comment coaxes a laugh from me that is more than a nervous chuckle. And then, I want to kiss her again. So much so, in fact, that I'm the one rising from my chair, towering over her, and pressing my lips to hers. Instantly, her hands are in my hair, drawing me closer. And, this time, our mouths open at once, letting each other in, and I feel like I'm floating on air, like decades of ignoring the urge to be touched are being erased, dumped into oblivion without mercy, because as of now, I _do_ want to be touched. I want Tris to touch me. Oh, I do.

Meanwhile, night is falling, and a brooding darkness falls outside the windows. I'm torn, because, in this moment, I want more, but I can't be sure until I let the moment pass. Until I can make my own informed decision.

"If I recall correctly, you offered to play something for me on your guitar?" I say, more as a means of protecting myself than out of a desire to listen to her play.

"You're full of surprises," Tris replies. I straighten my back and she glares at me from under her lashes. What is this to her? Some holiday fun? A string in her bow? She gets up and plants her hands on my sides. "I love this dress."

I smile and shake my head, covering her hands with mine, holding them in place. "I'm in need of the powder room first please."

She gives me directions and I head that way. When I'm inside, I lean against the closed door for a few seconds. I just kissed Tris. The mere thought of it is too much to just sit with on my own. The urge to go back out there, to just be in Tris' presence and experience this with her overwhelms me.

I quickly check my face and hair in the mirror. Everything looks good on the outside. _You're processing,_ I tell myself. _It's normal._

Tris doesn't say anything when I emerge from the bathroom. I notice her sitting on the step of the back porch strumming her guitar. I step out of the house to join her.

"Wait. Don't sit. You'll ruin your dress."

I freeze halfway down the stairs and hold my position.

"Here." Tris grabs a seat cushion off a nearby chair and plops it on the second step next to her.

I smile at her thoughtfulness and settle in next to her. She strums her guitar absentmindedly and I watch her fingers slide over the strings. Eventually, she finds a couple of chords and repeats them a few times. Her voice fills the evening air, goosebumps rise on my skin and I laugh to myself when I hear the first line of the song.

 _[Verse 1:]_

 _Love doesn't come with a contract_

 _You give me this I give you that_

 _It's scary business_

 _Your heart and soul is on the line_

 _Baby why else would I be standing round here so tongue-tied_

The forwardness of the lyrics brings a smile to my face. I should have known Tris would play a song that would describe exactly what we are both feeling. She taps her foot against the wood step as she begins the chorus.

 _[Chorus:]_

 _If I knew what I was doing_

 _I'd be doing it right now_

 _I would be the best damn poet_

 _silver words out of my mouth_

 _Well my words might not be magic_

 _But they cut straight to the truth_

 _So if you need a lover and a friend_

 _Baby I'm in_

 _I'm in_

Tris' words hit their mark and I can't remove the smile from my face. My toes tap along with the rhythm as she launches into the second verse gaining confidence as she goes.

 _[Verse 2:]_

 _Baby come on in the water's fine_

 _I'll be right here you take your time_

 _Just let me hold you and we'll both take that leap of faith_

 _It's like I told you there's no guarantees when you feel this way_

My mind flashes back to what Tris said about keeping things simple. And I purse my lips together recalling the heat that had rushed through me when she kissed me.

 _[Chorus:]_

 _If I knew what I was doing I'd be doing it right now_

 _I would be the best damn poet_

 _silver words out of my mouth_

 _Well my words might not be magic_

 _But they cut straight to the truth_

 _So if you need a lover and a friend_

 _Baby I'm in_

 _I'm in_

 _Baby I'm in_

 _I'm in_

'A lover and a friend' the words repeat in my mind. Is that what I need? Is that what I want from this? From Tris?

 _[Bridge:]_

 _Baby come here next to me_

 _I'll show you how good it can be_

 _I'll breathe each breath you breathe_

 _I can pour out everything I am_

The smile on her face is bright and the confidence with which she continues to sing makes me envious. She is so bold, so bright and full of life.

 _[Chorus:]_

 _If I knew what I was doing I'd be doing it right now_

 _I would be the best damn poet_

 _Silver words out of my mouth_

 _Well my words might not be magic_

 _But they cut straight to the truth_

 _Oh so if you need a lover and a friend_

 _Yeah if you need a lover and a friend_

 _Baby I'm in_

 _I'm in_

 _Baby I'm in_

 _I'm in_

This is a testament. Tris is laying it all out on the line and I can see the emotion stirring in her eyes. She's telling me exactly how she feels and that she's ready when I am. I swallow hard and lean my head against her shoulder as the song slows and comes to an end.

 _[Third Verse:]_

 _Baby come here next to me I'll show you how good it can be_

 _I'll breathe each breath you breathe I can pour out everything I am_

 _Baby come here next to me I'll show you how good it can be_

 _Baby come here next to me I'll show you how good it can be_

 _Baby come here baby come here baby come here_

"Thank you," I lift my head from her shoulder and applaud her performance.

Tris smiles and sets the guitar to the side. "Please don't ask me to play anything else 'cause I don't know much."

"Did you write that song?"

"Nah, it's a Keith Urban song. I heard it on the radio and instantly thought of you."

"So you just learned how to play it," I asked in awe.

"Yeah." Tris blushed, "I had high hopes you'd remember to ask me to play."

"Well, I'm certainly glad I did." I reach over and give Tris' bicep a gentle squeeze. "Thank you," I repeat.

She turns to look at me, "You're welcome."

A blush spreads across my cheeks and I shift in my spot, turning my attention to the field behind her house.

"Jeanine."

The way she says my name causes a new wave of goosebumps to raise on my skin. I sit up straight and turn so her gaze locks onto mine.

"I'm not very shy," Tris says plainly.

"I hadn't noticed," I shoot back teasingly and we both laugh.

She reaches out and pulls my hand into her lap, threading our fingers together and turning her gaze to my hand. "I'm perfectly happy to respect your wishes-" she runs her fingertips up and down my arm from my hand to my elbow and back again, "-and I'm pretty good at reading people, but when I want someone, I go for it." She squeezes my hand tightly, then looks up at me,"I want you, Jeanine."

Goosebumps rise and heat flares down my spine.

"I've shown you and I've told you. Now it's your move."

My move? Is this a seduction manoeuvre? More flirting? A way to coax me out of my shell? It feels like, ever since I arrived, I've been transported to another planet - or another galaxy altogether. One where my rules, the ones I've lived by my entire life, are tested and, mostly rejected afterwards. But I try not to look at the situation from the outside, try not to analyse. Try to simply enjoy the moment. My resolve that this could 'absolutely and definitely' not go any further tonight, seems to be crumbling ridiculously easily. But, just so I can't claim later to have lost control over my common sense, I do check in with myself. Do I want this? Do I want to make my move? All I get back from myself is a slow pulse in an undefined place, but really, if I'm honest, right between my legs - where I was afraid to touch myself last night. I want Tris there. I feel it tingle on my skin and the pucker of my lips.

I reach up with my hand and lace my fingers through Tris' dark locks, pulling her lips to mine.

* * *

The song used in this chapter is "I'm In" by Keith Urban.

Special thanks to my new friend Izzy who continues to inspire me!


	9. Chapter 9

I wake early with a thick feeling in my head and a tingly feeling somewhere lower. The dreams I'd had were vague. Sensations mostly, of warm light and soft sheets, flashes of bodies twirling and translucent skin. But I knew exactly who it was. I lay with my eyes closed and tried to put the pieces back together but soon they were gone.

I open my eyes and blink several times in slow realization. This is not my room. My eyes wander around the small space. There are shelves lined with books and CDs on one side and two large French doors on the other. I look down and brush my hand over a velvety gray blanket. I turn my head to the side to see a glass of water and two small white pills. I furrow my eyebrows together and try to remember when I fell asleep last night. My head starts to pound and I pinch the bridge of my nose. How much did I drink?

Soft footsteps echo from outside the door and my eyes land on the door. I lift myself onto my elbows and watch as the door opens ever so slowly. Tris steps in the room, careful to not make much noise. Her eyes light up when they meet mine.

"Morning sleepy head." Her smile is genuine and warm. I feel myself get pulled in by it until I realize I'm staring at her mouth. "I'm going to take a shower," she says in a husky tone. My eyes linger on the sweat-slicked skin her t-shirt and shorts are exposing. "It's going to be a hot one today. I was already breaking a sweat after half a mile." I chew at my lower lip as she rummages through her dresser to find clothes. She stands and turns to face me, tilting her head toward the restroom, "I'll just be a minute. You should take those." She gestures to the pills on the nightstand with her chin.

"Thanks."

She gives me another warm smile and I feel my shoulders relax under her gaze. "Feel free to borrow some clothes so you don't have to change back into your dress." I start to recall bits and pieces of last night and nod my head. "Okay."

"See you in a few." Tris leaves me with a smile, closing the door to the bathroom.

I fall back onto the bed and stare at the ceiling. What have I done? Did I? Did we? I mean? My body tenses and I throw back the covers. I sit up entirely too fast, my head spins and my stomach groans in protest. My toes brush against the cool hardwood floor and I slowly find my footing. I take the two pills as Tris suggested and finish the glass of water.

I tiptoe around her bedroom, feeling slightly out of place. I walk around the foot of the bed and find my bra and panties folded neatly on a chair. Blood flushes my cheeks. Did Tris do this? I don't recall doing it... My stomach churns again and I push the thought from my mind. I pull a khaki pair of knee shorts and a soft heather-grey v-neck from Tris' closet and quickly get dressed. My stomach growls audibly and I throw my hands over it instantly. As if my hands would make any difference. I shake my head at myself and tiptoe out of Tris' room.

When I round the corner to the living room I take a deep breath and tension drains from my body. A pillow and blanket are wadded up on the couch, suggesting Tris spent the night there and let me take her bed. A relieved grin spreads over my lips, and I make a mental note to thank Tris. I have no clue what happened last night after I kissed her. I brush my fingertips over my lips as I think about kissing her and warmth spreads over my skin. My smile grows and I let myself enjoy the brief moment of happiness. When I open my eyes I quickly find the coffee maker and start it. I raid Tris' fridge for breakfast food while the smell of fresh coffee filters through the kitchen.

"Did you sleep well?" Tris asks, stepping into the kitchen still toweling off her hair. I continue to stir the eggs in the skillet.

"Apparently," I say sarcastically, scrunching my nose up in admission.

Tris snorts out a laugh and it makes me grin. "You were going pretty hard last night."

"Mmmm…" I turn up the heat on the stove. "So it seems."

Tris tosses the towel onto a chair and leans against the stove next to me. My eyes linger on the skin that's exposed at her hip. A thin pale line splits her tanned skin and disappears under her shorts. I wonder how far down it reaches and how it got there.

"You don't remember do you?" Tris says softly, I can feel her eyes looking at mine.

I jerk my attention away from her hip and purse my lips together, unable to quench the blush running up my spine before it reaches my cheeks.

"We kissed." Tris trails her finger up my forearm, "We drank." Her finger slides from my fingers, up my forearm, over my bicep, and rounds my shoulder sending a rush of goosebumps over my skin. She steps around behind me, and I can feel her body heat radiating like the summer sun. "We danced." She pulls my hair away from my neck and brushes her nose over the sensitive skin. Heat thunders down my spine, pummeling through my veins. My head tilts to the side as my eyes fall closed. "Nothing happened, though we came very... very… _close_." The storm of sensations collides with my senses and my feet ease apart and I feel the muscles in my lower back tense, bracing for impact. The eggs simmer in the pan in front of me and I startle nearly sending the pan flying.

Tris chuckles against the nape of my neck and returns to her previous position at my side. A blast of cool air stings my skin without her pressed against me. I flip the eggs gently and resist the urge to shiver.

"Jeanine?" The gentle tenderness of her voice invades my heart, reaching inside and stirring something long forgotten. I raise my eyes to meet her's. Smoldering brown eyes, wide with concern and deep with compassion, meet mine with an intense stare. I want to drown myself in the sound of her voice saying my name, and the way she looks at me like I am the greatest, most beautiful thing she has ever seen. The shiver I had resisted overcomes me, a physical response to how my heart is shuddering under her gaze.

I lean forward and close the space between us. I kiss her gently, savoring the minty taste of her chapstick and the smell of her strawberry shampoo. I release the spatula in my hand and lift it to her cheek. I silently command my fingers to memorize how it feels to have her skin against mine. I feel her hand slide across my lower back, the light pressure makes me kiss her harder. How could I ever not want this? My head begins to spin in wonder and I break our kiss for a moment. I watch Tris' lips spread into a smile.

"What?" I whisper against her lips.

" _If_ and _when_ we decide to act on this, you will remember it." Her eyes are dark and daring. I grin and roll my eyes at her confidence, turning back to the eggs in the skillet. She kisses my cheek and I plate the eggs.

"So-" Tris says around a mouthful of toast, "Do you make a habit of falling asleep when you're on a date?"

I clear my throat and feel a blush creep up the back of my neck. "No. I apologize. That was inappropriate and irresponsible."

Tris laughs, "Easy Jeanine. It was just a probing question. I'm happy you are here."

I feel myself relax a bit and continue to eat. "If you don't mind, can you tell me what did happen last night? I'm afraid I don't remember the end of the evening very well."

Tris nodded her head and held up her finger to signal me to wait until she was done chewing. "We um," she takes a drink of orange juice, "We sat out on the porch for a while, then came back in and you went through my record collection a bit more thoroughly. Picking out all of your favorites. We danced to a few songs, then we sat on the couch and started to watch Breakfast at Tiffany's." Tris smiles as her gaze drifts to the couch. "You fell asleep about halfway through the movie. I tried to wake you and ask you if you wanted me to take you home, but I got little more than a grumble in response."

My cheeks do blush crimson this time.

"So I coaxed you into my room and told you to sleep well."

"I-" I clear my throat. "I apologize Tris. I um." I shake my head. "I guess I didn't realize I was so exhausted."

"Don't." Tris waves her hand. "Like I said, I'm happy you're here." She smiles at me.

"Thank you."

"So," Tris says shoving a piece of toast in her mouth. "I've got the day off and I was thinking…"

My eyebrows raise, what is she plotting now?

"Later, if you want to, I was thinking maybe we could go horseback riding?"

I hum to myself. I've never been horseback riding before. "Sure. But you'll have to teach me." It seems like an interesting skill to learn, as well as vaguely exciting. I look down at the floor under my chair to make sure, I guess, that it's still there. It is.

The feet of Tris' chair scrape the floor and I look up to see her gathering her dishes before taking mine as well.

"Thank you."

She gives me a warm smile. "Thank you for making breakfast. Best date ever."

I shake my head and stand stretching the muscles in my legs. I glance around Tris' 'in progress' home. It's really a charming little place. My gaze lands on the door to the back porch and I step out into the morning air.

Tris joins me shortly after and the longer we sit out on the back porch, the more I realize I've become acutely aware of Tris' scent and warmth. Whenever I close my eyes, flashes of my dreams swirl behind my eyelids and I suddenly feel shy when our eyes meet. The heat of the morning feels different from what it had any other day. There was an electricity to it and the slightest brush of my clothing makes my skin tingle. Whether Tris can tell, I can't be sure. But every time I lift my eyes, I am met with her gaze.

Tris and I don't speak for half of the morning. Instead, an internal dialog occurs between us. It's obvious that the air between us had shifted. I know what it is. The sensual feeling that I'd woken with has never left me, nor has the desire to immerse myself in the feeling again. Tris leans back against the porch railing. Her eyes stay glued to me. I look back and forth between the sky, the field and her. I feel agitated inside like a caged animal. I hold my hand to my forehead but my skin feels normal. Tris just watches silently.

"I had a bizarre dream last night," I say trying to excuse my behavior.

"Oh?" she asks.

"Too much wine, I think," I close my eyes.

"What was it about?" she asks after a few moments.

"Dancing," I say, a small smile tugging at my lips. It's partly true.

"Who were you dancing with?" Her voice sounds like its inside my head. I lean my head back against the back of the chair. A vision of her body slides by in the darkness. I decide not to answer because I know she already knows.

When mid-afternoon comes around Tris suggests that we pack a light dinner and take it with us on our ride. Tris finds an old woven pie basket in the back of a cabinet and we fill it with a bunch of fruit and a couple sandwiches.

Within the next hour, we are walking over a dirt road, our shoes making a cloud of dust in our wake. I can hear her breath as we walk toward the stables, and I know it isn't in my head this time. I can hear my name in every exhale, "Jeanine..."

I feel myself tip like a flower toward the sun. Then the gentlest graze of her fingers on my lower back as she wraps her arm around me. We walk into the dusty barn and I try to pay attention to my surroundings, but I can't. Everything feels too surreal.

Tris stands somewhere behind me, though exactly how far doesn't seem to matter anymore. I can feel her as if she was pressed against my back. I want to be alone so the second I see an empty tack closet, I pounce on the opportunity. Tris follows. I push through a set of french doors. The room is empty except for the two of us and the saddles sitting along the wall. Tris keeps pace and when I turn around, she's right there.

"Jeanine." Her voice is the breath that I hear inside my head. I look into her eyes.

"Tris," I whisper. She strokes her fingers down my arm then reaches for my hand slowly. She coils her fingers through mine. "What are you doing to me?"

"Touching you," she says simply.

"Why?" I could pull away, but I don't. She looks at me. Her brown eyes penetrate through me slowly until they reach a deeper place. My hand tingles from her touch.

"Because it feels right," she says softly. Her eyes flicker back and forth between mine and suddenly the face I remember seeing so many times before, the cocky, self-assured look of Tris Prior, turns into something shy and beautiful. Her breath settles into a calm rhythm and I feel myself latch onto it.

She turns our hands over slowly and runs her fingertips up my arm. A trail of electricity follows her touch and my body wavers on the spot. My eyes fall closed and I feel myself start to let go.

"I know you feel this too Jeanine."

I open my eyes to meet Tris' gaze. She takes a small step closer to me. I watch her lips part as the space between us dissolves. My heart jumps up in my throat and all of the air in the room seems to disappear. Her breath, her scent, the softness of her skin, the electricity of her tongue, it's all so sweet, so intoxicating that I can't let go. So I don't. I close my eyes, and hold on. This kiss is different from the one we shared this morning. This is addictive, passionate and it burns through me like a wildfire.

I latch onto her hips and she steps us backwards until I'm pressed against a wall. I don't know where I'm going and I don't care so long as she doesn't stop kissing me. In the next second, we are in each other's clutches. Her thigh slides between my legs and her hands push my shoulders back against the wall. I arch into her until my breasts graze hers and coil my hands in her hair as she kisses her way down my cheek, my neck and then down and down between my breasts. Her moans send shivers straight down through my center and stum magical chords between my legs.

I hear a door creak open then close with a loud thud. A sudden panic rises in me and I stiffen instantly. Tris pulls her lips from my body slowly and I watch her eyes flutter open. "The things I wish I could do to you right now," she rasps against my lips.

Footsteps get closer but, for another second or two, we are concealed from their view. I wrench her shirt in my hands and kiss her again. I don't want to let her go, but the footsteps are growing ever closer. I watch my fingers uncurl from her shirt and sweep down her slender sensual body. Tris' boots brush the dirt floor and she turns her attention to the two saddles against the wall. A strapping young stablehand steps into the room and grabs a couple of brushes from a nearby shelf. He shoots me a soft smile and do my best to hide my disdain.

Tris hoists the saddles onto two chestnut colored horses. She tells me how the tack works and lets me help her saddle and bridle the second horse. I do my best to pay attention, but every time I see her lips all I can think about is kissing her again. The entire stable seems to vibrate with our energy and I feel like a hundred eyes are trying to catch a glimpse. With that in mind, I am quick to hoist myself up on the saddle after Tris gives me a quick tutorial.

"Someone's in a hurry," Tris teases, though I'm confident she feels the tension too.

"I'm a fast learner."

"I should have known." Tris smiles, mounts her horse and gives me basic instructions on how to ride. I gently tap my heels against the sides off the steed under me and we're off.

"So, do you think you'll stay in Amity," I ask when we have dismounted in a shaded area by the river. I stretch my legs out on the picnic blanket Tris has laid out on the grass.

Tris shrugs her shoulders. "I don't know. I… Well, when I was in the military I just went wherever I was needed. I didn't put much thought into it. I went where we needed boots on the ground."

"I understand... It's nice here, peaceful."

Tris hums in agreement and pulls a bottle of water from the picnic basket for me.

"Thank you."

She nods, opens her own bottle, and seems to get lost looking at the river. "Sometimes… Sometimes I miss it. Home. I mean, Abnegation was never really where I fit in, but my family was there. Life was…"

"Simpler?"

"Yeah… And quieter. No war, no destruction. We used to have picnics on the weekends and I would help my mom deliver supplies to the factionless. I wasn't worried about the wall, the bureau, the economy, or the political climate," she shakes her head, "madness."

"Life," I say, reminding her that the things she just listed off are things I deal with on a daily basis.

She nods her head and looks over her shoulder at me. "What about you?"

"Hm?"

"Going to stay in Erudite?"

"Probably." I can't imagine myself anywhere else. "Though I wouldn't mind getting out of politics."

Tris snorts a laugh.

"I think I'd enjoy being a professor. I've always loved academia."

She gives me a smile, "Of course you have." She looks me over, as if imagining me somewhere else. "I could see you being a University dean. That way you could still have some sense of control." She waggles her eyebrows.

I don't hide my grin at her not-so-subtle jab. "Someone needs to guide people on how to find, discover and pursue the truth."

"How very candor of you," Tris quips playfully.

"I suppose so," I smile.

I watch Tris' smile fall from her lips.

"What?"

"Just thinking about life," she says thoughtfully. "About truth... The war caused so much chaos…" She shakes her head and trails off.

"Tell me," I gently encourage.

She pulls her knees up and rests her forearms on her knees. "I used to believe people determined their own lives. We were in control, commanding our futures, choosing our spouses, picking professions, responsible for the decisions and the course of our lives. Then there was the faction system, dividing us up according to personality traits, determining many of those things for people. And when I learned I was Divergent, I thought I was free from all of the restraints society enforced. Yet, there is one force even more powerful than free will - our unconscious... Underneath the suits, behind closed doors, we are all ruled by the same desires. And those desires can be raw and dark, and deeply shameful. The more you watch someone, the more you realize, we are never really who we say we are. In fact, hidden underneath, there's always a secret. We might actually be someone else entirely."

I trace every inch of Tris' face, trying to see beyond the hardened expression blocking me out. _What happened to you?_ We sit in silence for a while longer and I gather my thoughts. "...I think it's difficult to comprehend the complexities of human nature and of ourselves. I think that, while facing impossible choices, you have to have courage. You have to know that you are more than a label, more than a category, more than the genetic code you are made of. I think we are all born with the ability to make changes, but we have to be honest with ourselves and with others about who we are. We have to recognize when we are wrong and make a change. We all have secrets Tris, we all have flaws. No one is truly 'pure'. And I know that is still a relatively new notion to a lot of people, especially with all the propaganda the Bureau was sharing. It's part of the reason why I would like to stay in academia, stay in Erudite. I want to share this concept with generations to come. The concept that we are more than the sum of our parts, that we DO have the right to choose, but we are also influenced by numerous things. It's about mindfulness, about being aware of your thoughts, your surroundings and making informed decisions. You weren't wrong, Tris."

She looks at me thoughtfully.

"We each have the ability to choose things for ourselves. But for over one hundred years people have simply accepted being told who they are. Changing that kind of thought process, for people to think independently, will take years. It will require a revolution and an education of the masses. It's certainly not impossible, but it is going to take time. And your testimony as a Divergent, I can't imagine how that would help people understand even more about themselves and others as well."

Tris blinks away tears and looks away.

"Hey," I scoot over next to her and put my arm around her shoulder. "You're okay." I give her shoulder a squeeze and she leans into me.

"Thank you," I hear her whisper gently.

"For what?"

"For understanding." Tris lifts her head and I'm met with familiar chocolate brown orbs. Recognition resounds in her gaze. There is an understanding between us, a silent meeting of the minds. I don't even try to hide my smile.

"What," Tris asks, eyeing my smile.

My smile broadens, "Intelligence is so sexy."

Tris laughs and shakes her head. I release my hold on her shoulder and pull our lunch from the picnic basket. We fall into comfortable conversation and eat our lunch. We spend the rest of the afternoon riding trails along the river and enjoying each other's company. I find myself captivated by the easy sway of her hips, the way she moves in tandem with the horse. Right, left, right, left, perfectly comfortable. I let myself enjoy the view, enjoy the moment, and take a deep breath of serenity.


	10. Chapter 10

We return from the horseback ride to Tris' house and settle on the back porch, enjoying the last of the daylight. I've struggled to take my eyes off of her all day. There is something about her -I can't quite pinpoint what- that keeps drawing me in. The conversation we had over lunch made her so much more intriguing to me. She makes me want to do something crazy, like leap out of my chair and kiss her, but I can't be that reckless. I feel the logic in my mind battling back everything I'm feeling. I want more with Tris, but I can't be sure until I let the moment pass. Until I can make my own informed decision.

"How about a game?" I suggest when we are sitting at the dinner table.

"And what kind of game would you like to play," Tris replies her voice already charged with a competitive edge.

She stands and plants her hands on my knees. "Something like Twister?" She suggests and slides her hands ever so slowly up my legs until I am paralyzed.

"I um.. Do you have any board games like Scrabble or..." I straighten my back and she stares at me from under her dark lashes.

She stands slowly and offers me her hand. I let my fingers intertwine with her's and something shifts inside of me sending goosebumps over my skin.

I let Tris lead me to a bookshelf lined with games. I examine the stack of board games until I spot an old chess board, _perfect_.

"I figured that's the one you'd pick," Tris says as I pull it from the shelf.

"How could you possibly have known?" I grin, knowingly and Tris chuckles. She beckons me to follow her to the living room where we set up the board on the coffee table.

"I haven't played in a while, so don't judge me by the first game," Tris says sitting opposite me on the floor.

"Trying to get me to go easy on you huh?" I grin.

"Oh I've already realized that there is nothing easy about you Jeanine," Tris quirps back.

For a second I'm offended but she flashes me a mischievous grin and in that second all is forgiven and well again. I do my best to hide my grin as I arrange the pieces on the board. _One king, one queen, two rooks, two bishops, two knights, and eight pawns._ The pieces are placed and the game is on. Tris has the first move, so I sit back and watch patiently. The game proves to be significantly competitive and I am thankful to have my mind engaged in something strategic.

"So how did you learn to play," I ask as I move a pawn to take one of her bishops.

"My brother Caleb taught me," she says studying the board carefully. "He was always thinking two steps ahead… I guess it shouldn't have surprised me as much as it did when he transferred to Erudite."

"Hmm." I watch as she takes one of my pawns. "Were you expecting him to stay in Abnegation?" Tris is quiet for a moment. I watch as her brow furrows and I'm unsure if she is thinking about the game or her brother.

"I guess so. It always seemed to come so effortlessly to him. He didn't think twice to help someone."

I make my move on the board and it becomes Tris' turn again. "It's like you said, no one is just one thing."

"Yeah." Tris is quite for a few turns. I take one of her knights and she gets another bishop.

"Do you have any siblings?" She asks the sparkle in her brown eyes returning.

"No, but as a child I often wished that I did."

"I would love to know more about you Jeanine."

The raw honesty of her inquiry floors me for a moment. The only people who really ask me about me are reporters who are looking for an inside scoop. But this, this is different. I lean in and take her last bishop. "What would you like to know Ms. Prior?"

When Tris doesn't say anything or make a move on the board I look up to see her gaze locked onto mine. "Everything."

It's one word. One stupid word. But it strikes right through me. _Everything_. How could she possibly, why would she want to know about me? _I am not that interesting._

"Judging by the look on your face I can tell I've caught you off guard," Tris says softly, "I'm sorry-"

"No. I mean, yes. You did catch me off guard. But…" I take a second. "I'm glad you did." The blush that spreads over my cheeks couldn't have been stopped even if I had wanted it to.

"Oh," Tris says with a smile. "Well good." Her smile grows.

I clear my throat and clasp my hands together. "Where would you like me to begin?"

"Hmm…" Tris purses her lips together in thought. "What's your favorite color?"

"Blue. Although, I do enjoy red."

The corner of Tris' lip curls up into a smile. "What were you like as a child?"

"In a word - precocious, and maybe a little troublesome," I say thoughtfully.

"You don't say," Tris says her voice thick with sarcasm. She moves her last knight. "What are your parents like?"

I give myself a moment to look at the board and focus. "My dad was an astronomer and professor at Erudite University." My lip curls up at the thought of his smile. "He was also an amature philosopher. He loved seeing the big picture in life." I move my knight forward another space.

"Was?"

I nod my head, "Yes, my parents passed away several years ago."

"I'm so sorry Jeanine," Tris apologizes.

I wave her apology away, "It was a long time ago." It still hurts, but now it just hurts a little less.

"Do you mind me asking about your mom," Tris asks softly while studying the board carefully.

"My mom was…" I look for the right words knowing they don't exist. How do I tell her about the years I spent never being enough? The verbal and mental abuse that has left me scared even years later. "Strong," I finally say. "She was a very determined and successful woman." Tris tilts her head slightly to the side, and I know she knows there is more to the story. I'm grateful when she doesn't ask. "How about your parents," I ask. Tris makes moves her last knight forward and I know the game is mine.

"They were wonderful people."

 _Oh_. My chest spasms with pain for her loss. It's one thing for me to have lost my parents, but Tris is still so young.

"My dad worked for the government, and while he was up every morning before the sun, he always managed to be home every night for dinner and to help with homework."

"He sounds wonderful." I think about the times my own father helped me with homework and it makes me smile.

"He was," Tris' smile is sad, but genuine. "My mom though," she adds, smile growing. "My mom was the best."

"Oh?"

"She lived and breathed helping others. If she didn't have time, she would make the time for anyone, anytime."

"Do you mind me asking what happened to them?"

Tris is quiet for a moment before she whispers, "The war."

I swallow the lump in my throat. "I'm so sorry Tris." There were so many people lost during the revolution. 'The cost of freedom' my mother had said. 'The cost of intolerance' my father had said. I tended to agree with him. I study the dark locks surrounding Tris' soft face. Without realizing, I lean forward, reach out, and tuck a stray piece behind her ear. She turns so her cheek is pressed against my palm and my body freezes. Her gaze meets mine and the brightness in her eyes has softened into a warm caramel.

"It's your move," Tris says softly, and I know she's not referring to our game of chess.

I let myself slide off the couch so I'm kneeling on the floor across from her. I bring my other hand up to her soft cheek and hold her face in my hands. My thumbs gently trace her cheekbones as I study her face. The sun has left the lightest trace of freckles along the tops of her cheeks. _Who are you? There is so much about you that seems so familiar, so easy. But…_ She lets her eyes fall closed and there is something so peaceful and serene about her resting her head in my hands. "You're so beautiful," the words fall unfiltered from my lips. Tris' gaze meets mine again and a smile spreads over her lips. I chuckle to myself.

"What," Tris asks, still smiling.

"Look at me," I say looking down at my knees.

"Not a position you are familiar with?" Tris arches a brow.

I let my hands fall from her face and rest on the table. "Certainly not."

"Good to know," she says unable to hold in a laugh.

"Smartass," I sass back at her and push myself up into a standing position. "What do you say to an evening walk?" I offer my hand to help her up.

"Aren't we going to finish the game?"

I move my queen and take out her final knight. "Shall I say, checkmate?"

Tris stares at the board then makes a sour face up at me. She takes my hand and smiles when she stands, "I guess so."

I appreciate that she is competitive, but still a good sport. I give her a light peck on the check and squeeze her hand before letting go. "Maybe next time."

"I have an idea," Tris announces.

"Okay," I question while putting my shoes on.

"I'm not sure you're going to like it though," she says on second thought and I look up to see her somewhat pained-looking expression.

"Well we won't know until you tell me," I say pulling my left shoe on.

"Mmmm… Okay, one sec," Tris takes off down the hallway and I hear her rummaging around a moment later.

When she emerges she is carrying two leather jackets.

"And what pray tell, will we be doing with those."

"Wearing them," Tris says obviously.

I chuckle at her snarkiness and follow her out into the garage. She lays the jackets down and pulls a blue tarp aside revealing a jet black motorcycle. She pulls a helmet down from a nearby shelf and extends out to me.

"You ready," she asks hopefully.

I'm hesitant to say the least. I watch her bite at her lower lip and see the excitement building in her eyes. "Okay," I agree uneasily and take the helmet from her hand.

"Yes!" Tris can't contain her excitement and it makes me feel a little less nervous. _Of course she has a motorcycle._ I roll my eyes and pull the helmet on over my head then lift the visor.

Tris folds the jackets and stuffs them in a small saddlebag then pushes the bike out of the garage. My stomach twists nervously and my checks flush. She starts the engine and it roars to life instantly. I watch as she throws her leg over the seat, straddling it effortlessly. She pulls on her helmet, flips up the visor and turns around to look at me.

"You comin'?"

I shake my head. _Against my better judgement,_ "Yes." I put my hand on Tris' shoulder and mount the bike sitting right behind her. I find the foot bars and place one foot accordingly.

"Hold on," Tris says, and though I can't see it, I know she is smiling when I wrap my arms around her. I lift my other foot and put my visor down. Tris accelerates slowly out of the driveway. When we reach the gravel road she shifts gears taking us even faster. The steady rumble of the engine is surprisingly relaxing I let myself lean into Tris a little more as the scenery changes from wheat fields into a thick forest.

"You doing okay back there," Tris asks as she slows the bike.

"Doing great," I say and give her midsection a tight squeeze.

She revs the engine and we take off again. The sun sinks below the tree tops and Tris flips on the headlight as we drive even deeper into the forest. Some time later Tris pulls off the road, turns off the bike and takes off her helmet.

"This is where our walk begins," she says, a certain giddiness in her voice. I put my feet on the ground only to find they still feel like they are vibrating. It is a bizarre feeling. I get off the bike and Tris follows. We leave our helmets and Tris pulls a flashlight from the saddlebag. It's just light enough out that we don't need it yet, but we will soon.

Tris doesn't say anything, but she reaches out and takes my hand in her hers then leads me to a small path through the forest. I don't say anything either, but I squeeze her hand tightly to let her know I am on the same page. Without the sound of the motorcycle I can hear a rumbling in the distance. Tris leads us deeper into the forest as the sun slips over the horizon igniting the sky with a final array of colors. I squeeze her hand tightly in nervous anticipation.

"Almost there," she says squeezing my hand in return. The rumbling noise I heard earlier grows louder and louder until we reach the edge of a river. Tris points downstream, "There."

I follow her line of sight to what looks like the edge of the world. Tris turns on the flashlight and leads me along the riverbank until we reach the ridge of the cliff. The river thunders over the cliff cascading into a beautiful waterfall. "Wow." I peer over the edge, but the bottom of the falls are already shrouded in the darkness of night.

"I hope you weren't planning on us going swimming," I say with a chuckle.

Tris smiles and pulls me close to her, "Not this time." Her eyes linger on my lips and for a moment I think she may kiss me, but she looks away instead. "We're here for that," she says tilting her head in the direction of a small hut hidden on the edge of the ridgeline.

I stare at the small rickety building in question and my hesitation must have been apparent on my face because Tris was quick to offer encouragement.

"Come on, trust me."

Something in me says this is all ridiculous and I need to get back to Erudite, to get back to work, to stop all of this foolishness. But Tris pulls me gently after and God it's easy to follow her. The hut proves to be slightly more spacious than it had appeared from the outside with two chairs and small radio communication system in the corner.

"Here, hold this," Tris says handing me the flashlight. I shine it in her direction and watch as she lugs a large black trunk out from the back of the hut. When she flips open the lid a wave of nostalgia washes over me. The tunnel of light from the flashlight reveals a shiny black telescope. I watch silently as Tris sets up the tripod and attaches the optical tube. She takes a seat on one of the chairs and pats the seat of the other one when she is finished. I draw in a steadying breath and take the seat next to her. She takes the flashlight from my hand plummeting us into darkness.

"Are you okay?"

Tris' voice is so warm and soothing. I'm somewhat awestruck at her thoughtfulness. Her familiar fingers find mine and her thumb brushes over the back of my hand.

"Yes." I don't recognize my own voice. It's so soft and gentle compared to the sharp authoritative edge it usually carries. My throat tightens with emotion. I can feel a transformation occuring in my own mind. My center, my life, everything has shifted, here life requires nothing of me I am free.

Tris gently guides my hand to the telescope where I slowly take a look at the universe above us.

 _How's my favorite star today?_

 _Dad, don't you think I'm a little old to be your star?_

 _Stars are older than you and I put together young lady, so no, you'll never be too old to be my star._

 _Okay, you got me there._

 _Duth the student think she hath surpassed her teacher?_

 _Never dad, never._

My vision blurs with the tears gathering in my eyes and I am thankful the room is dark. I sit back and silently wipe the tears from my eyes.

"So which star is your favorite," Tris asks.

"Well," my voice cracks and I have to clear my throat, "I've always been fond of Orion's Belt."

If Tris noticed the break in my voice she doesn't mention it which I am grateful for. "It's always pretty this time of year and very easy to see."

I hum in agreement. "How about you? Any favorites?"

"Not really. I don't actually know what any of them are, other than Polaris of course."

I regain my composure and think for a moment in silence while Tris continues gazing at the stars. "I think you would like Bellatrix."

"Oh yeah," Tris asks her interest peaked.

"It is the third brightest star in the Orion constellation. Bellatrix translates from Latin as "the female warrior. Seems fitting to me."

Tris hums in approval, "I like it."

We fall into a comfortable conversation about the stars as we take turns looking through the telescope. I do my best to answer any questions she has.

"I hope it's okay that I brought you here," Tris says after a while. "I know this was an important way for you to connect with your father and I thought you would enjoy it."

I put my hand on her thigh. "I am very happy you did Tris, thank you."

The rest of the evening goes seamlessly. I cling to Tris on the cool ride back to the cottage where she drops me off with the lightest of good night kisses. I am so tired I don't even bother with a shower, just take off my shoes and fall into the bed already half asleep.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter Eleven**

"Did you have a good day?" Tris asks packing a picnic basket in the cottage kitchen.

"Not too bad." I study her nimble hands, the scars on her knuckles and the freckles that have appeared after spending all day in the summer sun. I feel it squirming inside me already, this beast, this presence I keep trying to hide, this announcement of change.

"Feel free to put your feet up for a bit. I'm making grilled chicken and it needs a bit longer. There's homemade sangria in the fridge if you like to partake."

"What a feast." I'm standing near the porch door, as though ready to make a swift exit. Four days ago, when Tris took me up to the ridgeline to look at the stars I was less nervous than I am right now. Something has shifted inside of me. I have been here hardly a week and my days are spent thinking about this beautiful, charming young woman. I can hardly remember the last time I had so much fun, but I also know this will all end, soon.

"Why don't you come in, Jeanine? I'm not going to bite." Her stance is all bravado like she's testing me. One hand on her jutted-out hips, her lips scrunched into that half-pout she does so well. "Not unless you want me to anyway." She wiggles her eyebrows and giggles to herself, that slightly offensive one that is just - Tris. I'm at the point where I see messages in everything, and though I consider myself an expert in non-verbal communication, Tris more complicated than most people I meet.

"You've certainly dressed up." I make a point of staring at her chest, in spite of how dizzy it makes me feel. My skin is overheated and sweat puddles in the small of my back, I'm wise enough to avoid a situation where I would find myself in direct contact with Tris.

I pour myself a glass of the sangria while I watch Tris, who stirs the skillet with a few quick circles. I have nothing else to do but watch how Tris lifts the cast-iron skillet from the stove. She doesn't brace herself or flinch at the heat through the hot pads, but gently lifts the pan from the stove and carries it to the opposite countertop. Her smooth movement makes me realize, yet again, how much younger she is than me. She tosses the mitts to the side and grabs a pair of tongs from a nearby drawer. Her phone buzzes on the countertop and lights up with a series of messages.

"You know what? I'm just going to turn this off. Someone is massively getting on my nerves."

I raise an eyebrow, more amused by the expression she uses than curious about who keeps messaging her.

"Got a hot date?" It's more a joke. An indulgence I allow myself in the form of a quick, easy question.

"It was one date, two weeks ago, and it did not go well, but I don't know how to tell this girl to leave me alone without saying fuck off." Tris pushes her phone to the very end of the countertop. "Either way, I'm no longer interested. Tell me about your day, Jeanine."

I don't tell her about how, long before I had planned to make my way back to the cottage, the prospect of seeing her pulled me towards it early. Nor do I let her know how much I missed her company on my bike ride. Instead, I marvel at the delights of Amity, and the beauty of this region, and how uninterrupted days of nothing but blue skies above you must be the best cure for just about everything.

"I'm glad you had a good time," she says as she packs our meal. "Can I speak freely," she asks.

I nod my head silently.

"The other night, when we went to look at the stars, we had another moment, didn't we?" Tris looks up from the picnic basket and leans against the counter.

I mull over the past week we've spent together, and my mind drifts back to 'the moment' she's referring to.

"We did indeed," I confirm.

Tris smiles broadly and I can tell she is elated to know the feeling is mutual.

"Are we ready," I ask looking at the picnic basket.

"Absolutely," Tris says and snaps the lid closed.

We climb into the truck and Tris drives to the base of the waterfall. Tris' smile says it all when I take off my top to reveal my bikini and get in the cool water. As soon as I'm under the surface I let my body drift freely, my weight carried by the water.

A pair of hands touches my back, brings me out of it. But, because I know it's Tris, I let myself float for a while longer, until it dawns on me that this is giving her ample opportunity to scan the parts of my body that float above the water's surface. Self-conscious, I lower my legs until I stand. She might have mentioned that I'm in good shape, and I do take excellent care of my body, but the signs of aging are inevitable. Not something I would usually have a problem with - it's only nature taking its course - but next to Tris' unmistakably youthful appearance, I suddenly do have an issue. It's the contrast, and what it says about me. Although it's not Tris' youth I'm attracted to first and foremost - not that it doesn't play a part. How can such an essential characteristic of hers not? It's who she is, and how she has guided me to this moment. It's what she has done to me.

Tris takes a step closer, into the most sensual live image I've ever seen. Drops of water rain down from her hair over her face, as though licking and kissing her where I want to. "I've shown you _and_ I've told you how I feel Jeanine. It's your move."

Maybe tonight is our night. Why wait? What purpose can it possibly serve? I want Tris. I feel it tingle on my skin, feel it in the pucker of my lips, feel it in the sway of my hips - rocking towards her.

Underwater, I find her hands and pull her close. We kiss under the moonlight.


End file.
